Really Bad Parenting Advice

Patrick, do your children still think you own the Washington Capitals? By the way, can you get me seats (preferably against the glass) for this weekend's game?

April, it's good to know you share the I'm-better-than-other-parents-out-there philosophy. Sow those seeds of superiority early, we say...

...and you always thought I'd be nothing more then a boil infested gadfly who has nothing better to do then prowl Facebook.

I try to pick tattoos that grow with her. The little spider web she has at 3 will be awesome by 34.

rehab is an important cultural and potentiallly religious (definitely social) learning centre. I hope you took your kids to rehab. On that note, anyone seen Tideland? It's also important for kids to know how to cook Daddy's crack...

Wish we could blame it on something interesting and worthwhile like a healthy binge drinking episode or an encounter with peyote...but alas, it was pure laziness. Thanks for evening noticing, though, you may have saved me the cost of an additional therapy session.

Reading is a great big waste of time. Any book worth knowing about will be condensed to a 90-minute movie, saving hours of reading time. Thanks, Hollywood!

It helps kids stem the withdrawal between the second-hand smoke they get before and after school.

Rich, you're right dude. You don't want them pulling a Trainspotting in 4th period math class. Things would get messy.

I think that's pretty brilliant. That's next on the list, you know, after this bout of lethargy dissipates.

Check the latest - and thanks for the inspiration!

http://www.facebook.com/home.php#/album.php?aid=2035173&id=1442433726

This is what inspired me..hope you can see it. It's hilarious!

Send your weakling six year old out to walk your badly trained rottweiller in public, alone. With no muzzle. The dog will feed itself on small animals such as neighbourhood cats, and with a bit of luck, your kid will get eaten too. Two birds with one stone.

The best way to save for your kid's college is to start suing. Coffee too hot? Sue. Neighbors too loud? Sue. Laundromat not have your shirt pressed AT 5:00? Sue. Checkout girl at the grovery store tell you to "have a blessed day" and you felt religiously persecuted? Sue! Just remember, it's not frivolous - it's your child's future!

hahaha jersey shore

Damn, you guys are brutal. But I like it.

well worth the wait.

In my years working at Gymboree, I found parents with the ugliest kids are the ones that spent the most money on them. So... how much do you spend on your kid?

I'm sorry but this is too funny...baby girl is scared to death..lol

Dude, you have GOT to write some new stuff. I've totally mastered everything on the site and I need new ways to keep the future therapists of the world in business.

Hibernation/hiatus/hangover is officially over. Besides, finishing with rule #57 would have just been weird. Thanks for the love, man. There's nothing wrong with us sharing this moment. Publicly.

Since the kids have off for the summer - why can't we?? Only kidding - we're working on some new ideas (and are ALWAYS looking for suggestions). And congratulations on being the only one who's noticed we haven't posted in a month or so!

I noticed too! But I put enough pressure on myself to post more often, so no need to do it to someone else. Looking forward to your next evil post.