They say the hardest part of going to school at Harvard is "getting in," implying that once you're in, the work is moderate, the grades are slightly padded, and you can get by with relatively little stress; the real bitch is getting accepted at such a selective institution.

Here at U of C, the hardest part is ALSO getting in, that's cuz all the god damn doors are so fucking ornate and shit, you can't tell a doorknob from a decorative knocker or a hinge from a superfluous Gothic rail...how many times have you assified yourself trying to fucking get into Harper for 10:30 Sosc and pulled the push door or vice versa? Its like, okay, Classics are pull on the right, only the middle door is open in the Div school, but that's locked every other fortnight and only open during high tide. Let's see what that guy in front of me does, he looks seasoned, he's like 48 and still carrying a Jansport on his back, ok, press on the right while rotating your hip flexor to the left and lightly tapping the second window with your head and nudge the bottom left corner with your foot and chanting Sanskrit and don't forget the shimmy and...HE GOT IT! He's IN, please hold on sir, i can't remember all that,what's before the shimmy and oh wait, he won't hold the door for ME! I forgot! This is the U of C and he doesn't want to accidentally endear himself to a female. I might call Bond Chapel to schedule our wedding or something before even learning his name.
Its not like its slot #6 on my speed dial or anything...
But THATS another club, ain't it gals..Lil'k, lyons...?

Fucking all the doors are heavy as hell too.
Do I look like The Rock?
(Maybe I DO and that's why Rogaine didn't hold the door for me).

Seriously, sometimes I want to call Gaston and the angry villagers, light some crude torches, go chop down an oak from Washington Park for a battering ram and get a "Kill the BEAST! Kill the BEAST" going so that I can go fucking return my book to Harper before it closes.

Maybe it started as a collosal Core-loving, brandy-swirling, Division NOTHING athletics joke, but it has FORCED me to abuse the handicap squares. And that ain't right.

Here's what I'm going to tell Ted O'Neill next time I see him:
Fuck the ACT. If you can GET IN to U of C, you're in. (read less)

They say the hardest part of going to school at Harvard is "getting in," implying that once you're in, the work is moderate, the grades are slightly padded, and you can get by with relatively little stress; the real bitch is getting accepted at such a selective institution.

Here at U of C, the hardest part is ALSO getting in, that's cuz all the god damn doors are so fucking ornate and shit, you can't tell a doorknob from a decorative knocker or a hinge from a superfluous Gothic rail...how... (read more)