- Category:
- Just for Fun - Fan Clubs
- Description:
- for all the people that are going to be jack bauer when they grow up... wear aviators and run around with the messenger bag saving the world 24 hours at a time.
- Privacy Type:
- Open: All content is public.
I am going to be jack bauer when i grow up.
Join- Name:
- I am going to be jack bauer when i grow up.
- Category:
- Just for Fun - Fan Clubs
- Description:
- for all the people that are going to be jack bauer when they grow up... wear aviators and run around with the messenger bag saving the world 24 hours at a time.
- Privacy Type:
- Open: All content is public.
- News:
- HOW TO BE JACK BAUER... from some random website.
1. Learn to speak in a tough, steely voice. Frequent threatening and intense stares are recommended for maximum effect. IE: “You’re going to tell me what I want to know. It’s just a matter of how much you want it to hurt.�?
2. You must remember that you’re above the law, because you’re the modern day Captain Kirk. Rules are there to keep everyone else in line, but you’re Jack Bauer: you know better. And it always works out because you know better. IE: When you’re Jack, sawing off a suspect’s head, in order to deliver it to someone who thinks you’re a criminal is perfectly cool.
3. Your temper is your friend. The angrier you get, the crazier you get and this somehow has a correlation with your success rate. Anger=Victory
4. Learn to yell. The words “MARWAN!�? and “DAMN IT�? are particularly useful in your line of work.
5. Shop at Nordstrom. This year, you’ll find Lucky Brand shirts and expensive boot cut jeans are your friend, as is your trusty messenger (of death) bag.
6. You don’t use a regular watch. You’re A Real American Hero. This is the only watch good enough for you.
7. Your daughter is stupid. The women you love are stupid. Hell, everyone around you is stupid. That drug addiction is the least of your problems. At least it won’t trust a freak, get locked in his basement and fight off a cougar.
8. You use real manly guns. You could go with the 1911. You could go with a Sig Sauer. But you go with The H&K USP line of guns. Because you’re Jack Bauer. But you’ve got a soft spot for Sigs.
9. All those stupid people we mentioned? You don’t have time to explain everything. They have to trust you.
10. Jack Bauer needs a nice set of wheels. You used to love the Ford Explorer. You secretly kissed it good night for the last four years. But this year you love Toyotas. I’m not sure why…
11. That woman? Yeah, she’s stupid. Why? Cause you’re Jack. And everyone else is stupid. Especially the women you choose. And no, you don’t have time to explain that to them. They have to trust you.
12. Every year, for one day, you will not require rest, hydration, food, use of the bathroom or medical aid. Because you’re Jack Bauer. But these are not good days, despite the time you save from being above basic human needs and laws of nature.
13. And on that one day, your boss will die or otherwise be taken out of their job. Because they can’t match your coolness, even when they grow funky facial hair. So know that you’ll have the last laugh.
14. Someone close to you will betray you. Once every year. Get used to it
15. Follow through on your threats every so often. It’s good for your soul.
