Curiosity didnt kill the cat... Jack Bauer did.
Jack Bauer stole the cookies from the cookie jar.
Jack Bauer Yelled at Michael Jackson so hard that he started screaming like a white woman. Michael Jackson has never been the same since
Contrary to popular belief Hiroshima wasn't a bomb, mearly the result of a Japanese resteraunt getting Jack Bauer's order wrong.
One day Jack Bauer was late to work. This resulted in the great Depression
after 7 minutes of interrogation, Jack Bauer made Tom Cruise admit that he was gay
congress authorized the minting of a 24 dollar bill with Jack's face on it. Unfortunatly the printing presses crashed due to the severe amounts of awesomeness
Despite popular belief, Jesus was actually conceived by Jack Bauer when, after opening a rift in space/time by yelling into his cellphone too loudly, he stared at the virgin Mary and she became immediately impregnated
After torturing Copernicus, Jack Bauer demanded that the solar system revolved not around the sun, but around his gigantic balls
there really isn't any alphabet only a series of noises jack bauer makes, when hes doing something ridiculously incredible, put together to make words.
the Ten Commandment's were originally a to-do list for Jack Bauer
Jesus died and rose from the dead in 3 days. It took Jack Bauer less than an hour. And he's done it twice.
Where the Happy Meal comes with a toy, The Jack Bauer meal at McDonalds comes with plutonium and a dead terrorist. From fear of Jack Bauer's anger, McDonalds has changed their slogan to "jacks nukin' it".
Chase wasn't actually in any danger from that terrorist virus. Jack Bauer just cut off his hand because that's how he warns all of Kim's boyfriends.
Jack couldn't find the keys to his Ford SUV once. He tortured himself for half an hour until he gave up their location.
One time, Jack played a mini-golf
game and ended up with a score of 17.
All of the guns used on 24 aren't real, yet Jack's gun managed to fire and kill a man on set. When everyone began to question how it was possible, Jack slowly rolled up his sleeves. The cameramen quickly resumed filming.
Jack Bauer got Hellen Keller to talk.
1.6 billion Chinese are pissed off at Jack Bauer. After tomorrow, there will be 1.4.
Jack Bauer was never addicted to heroin. Heroin was addicted to Jack Bauer.
After torturing Copernicus, Jack Bauer got him to admit that the solar system revolved not around the sun, but around his gigantic balls.
If Jack Bauer was in a room with Hitler, Stalin, and Nina Meyers, and he had a gun with 2 bullets, he'd shoot Nina twice and electrocute the other two with a table lamp.
Jack Bauer doesn't miss. If he didn't hit you it's because he was shooting at another terrorist twelve miles away.
Upon hearing that he was played by Kiefer Sutherland, Jack Bauer killed Sutherland. Jack Bauer gets played by no one.
Jack Bauer killed 93 people in just 4 days time. Wait, that's a real fact.
In kindergarten, Jack Bauer killed a terrorist for Show and Tell.
Jack's family held a suprise party for him when he was a child. Once.
Jack Bauer can watch all 4 seasons of 24 in 24 hours.
Whenever Jack yells "NOW!" at the end of a sentence, a terrorist explodes.
Jack Bauer is so badass, his gun reloads itself out of fear.
Once Jack Bauer pops, he can and will stop.
Jack yells at his cellphone to recharge it.
When Locke and Boon first opened the hatch in Lost, Jack Bauer jumped out and dropkicked Boon in the face.
When Russel Crowe threw a phone at that guy, Jack was on the other line.
Jack Bauer didn't escape death, death escaped Jack Bauer.
Jack can sneeze with his eyes open. In fact, the last time he did so was last year, when he was in New Orleans.
David Spade was found riddled with bullets in a cubicle yesterday for saying no to Jack Bauer.
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