The summer between my first and second grade years, my sister — and all of the other girls in our West Point, N.Y., cul-de-sac — decided they wanted to put on an amateur performance of Rodgers and Hammerstein’s The Sound of Music for our parents.

The problem? Just one boy in the neighborhood was willing — nay, dying — to play a role. And thus, that boy was “forced” to perform all of the male parts: Capt. von Trapp, Rolf, even Friedrich and Kurt.

That boy was me. And yes, even at the age of 7, I was an enormous homosexual.

Doug Elkins’ Fraulein Maria, a modern-dance deconstruction of the well-worn story of a World War II-era Austrian nun who becomes a nanny who becomes a bride (all while the threatening storm of Nazism creeps ever closer), comes to town Nov. 20-21 courtesy of DANCECleveland.