You ever wake up and just ask yourself what’s the point in being alive? I suppose that is the kind of day that I have been having… for the past few weeks. Not that I’m going to kill myself type feeling, just an utter feeling of disappointment and pointlessness. You know I think they call it growing up. When you wake up and wonder why your life hasn’t turned out the way it was supposed to. The problem with that notion for me I guess is that I never really had an idea where I wanted my life to go. Not until it felt like it was too late do anything about it. Perhaps it’s the ADD in me that I can never choose what path I truly want to follow. Perhaps it’s the fear in me that paralyzes me from doing what I need to do. At any rate, the name of this blog post is called Moving On. So let me get on to that.

Moving on is a phrase I’ve been hearing a lot lately. Obviously from my ex. Six months ago I broke up with my girlfriend. I had been unhappy for quite some time, and I was tired of waiting for things to get better. So we broke up. We then spent the next three months in this weird sudo dating/friends/whatever phase. In this time period I learned a lot of things about myself and rediscovered the girl that I loved I guess you could say. I also learned that I’ve never been very good at expressing my disgust with the status quo and that if people do things that bother me, I tend to just stop hanging out with them as opposed to telling them that they’re bothering me. Which is fine most of the time, but it isn’t very conducive to a successful relationship. So after three months of that sudo phase I moved away to NY/NJ. Immediately I began to miss the fuck out of this broad. She told me I was going to miss her, when I broke up with her. I wrote it off you know. I had been lonely my entire life before I met her, and had gotten along just fine. I failed to calculate the power of loneliness after being in a relationship with someone that you love for almost two years. I thought about asking her to come with me you know, but I let the logistics of the scenario get in the way of my feelings. I always have. Emotional Quotient they call it I think. Having the ability to control your emotions with your logical thought process. Its very handy. Something my dad taught me when I was a kid, but it does cause me to get in my own way at times. Pardon me, I digress. So after having moved away for about a month. I was talking to the ex on the phone, and she asked me “if we were in the same city, do you think we would be together?” I knew the answer was yes, but I said “I don’t know.” I suppose it was partly the pride in me that didn’t want to let her be right about missing her; in combination with me and my motherfucking logic that didn’t let me say what I knew in my heart out loud. It’s been two months since then. I wrote a song about it, which was the first step to allowing me to say it out loud. I’ve texted it to her a few times, but she says… she’s”Moving on.” I should probably work up the human decency to at least say it out loud. Its too late though. I just called her, she’s visiting a “friend” in Maine, being happy, moving on.

There’s this couple that hangs out in the circle that I chill with here in my new abode. They’re fairly young, older than me, and married. They’re happy though. Together, in love, whenever I see them I think that’s what I should have done. I should have asked her to stay with me forever. I got this notion in my head that I’m too young for that, and the retarded religious upbringing I had tells me I couldn’t have lived with her otherwise. That’s a whole other topic of discussion.

The song I wrote is called “Your Love Is Like A Bomb.” You can download the demo copy here… http://usershare.net/rqe6abfygb48