The Great Phone Directory of the Earth and neighbouring planets: Chapter 15
Chapter 15
- Now you have to explain to me on what grounds you have assumed that your God was the creator of the entire universe.
- Well, he told us.
- Personally?
- No, not personally. He left a note.
- A note he wrote himself?
- Erm... no. He dictated it to somebody who wrote it on his behalf.
- And this somebody... it was somebody he trusted?
- Well, someone who could talk with God, so I guess so.
- You mean that God would only talk to some of you?
- No, no, God talked with all those who wanted to talk to him, when he descended on the Earth.
- But where would he be the rest of the time ?
- Somewhere, or anywhere, I have no idea: you know, things you can afford to do when you are God.
- In brief: he was somewhere else, but dictating his story to someone.
- There you are. Exactly.
- Over the phone?
- Come on, no! God doesn't need to use the phone. He appears to you, or you hear his voice in your head, I guess.
- You are telling me that the whole theory of the existence of your God , who is supposed to have created the Earth and the rest of the universe, relies solely on the story told by a guy who heard voices?
- Hold on, why are you always so extreme? First of all, that same story was written by many others.
- How many?
- Well, for instance, four of them only for the Christians.
- And you are convinced they were all telling the truth?
- Sure: their stories are quite similar. In come cases they match to perfection.
- I'm asking you the same question again: you are convinced you are the favorite sons of a God who is supposed to have created first you and then the rest of the universe, just because somebody who heard voices wrote the story down and three other guys copied?
- Before I go on, help me figure out if I have to answer for myself or on behalf of the entire human race.
- I just need a general outline.
- Good. Because I am not precisely the religious type.
- I just want to know a few, simple things.
- Tell me.
- First of all, before you said that your God had "descended on the Earth". It never crossed your minds that he could be an alien, just like me?
- No.
- Why not?
- Because, as far as I know, God has opposable thumbs. And no, that's not how the story goes. And please note that what I am about to tell you is just one of the stories, the story of the Christians' God, one of the most popular on the Earth.
- You mean you have more than one God for a single planet?
- There are dozens of them, if you want to know.
- Don't you think it's a tad too much?
- It depends. Everyone obviously thinks their own God is the right one.
- So, there is a "right" God, and all the others are wrong?
- Let's say that the idea of God is more or less the same for everyone, with conflicting versions as regards his origin.
- Could you be more clear?
- The God of the Christians, for instance, is the same God of the Jews. Even the first part of the sacred books that talk about him is the same for both of them.
- So why don't they find an agreement?
- Because the former believe - as I was telling you a few minutes ago - that their God has sent his son on the Earth to save us, whereas the latter (together with the Muslims) think that he wasn't the son of God, but an ordinary prophet.
- There was this rumor also regarding our God, saying he wasn't really God's son. But then the mother asked for the DNA test and God was forced to acknowledge him, if nothing else because he knew he had little time left and needed a heir, so not to leave the position open.
- There are still clashing opinions regarding ours.
- But, excuse me, how can that possibly be? Did he save you in the end, or was he just a prophet?
- We have no idea: they killed him before we could know.
- Who killed him, the Christians or the Jews?
- Both of them: they were all guilty somehow. They nailed him on some wooden poles arranged in a cross.
- What a weird and incredibly cruel way to kill somebody.
- It is, to such an extent that the Christians celebrate that moment every single year, and you may recognize them because round the neck they wear a little cross with the son of God attached to it
- Don't you think it's a little gruesome? It's as if, say, all Marmellinds wore at the wrist a pendant picturing somebody being forced to sneeze.
- I'm not following you.
- On Marmellous Behind the death penalty is in force...
- Okay, got it so far.
- Well, it is inflicted by forcing you to sneeze. They hold you, they tickle your nose with a feather, or in some cases make you sniff pepper, and a few seconds later: atishoo! Blood-curling indeed.
- I agree it may seem a gruesome habit... but you know, we've become almost accustomed to seeing him attached up there.
- But what had he done to deserve such a terrible death? Was it debts, like ours?
- No. To tell the truth, as far as we know, he was apparently a good man. A little whimsical, if I'm allowed; maybe a bit out of time; maybe a tad too much of an introvert with odd ideas, let's say, but in the end - basically - he was only somebody who wanted to change the world for the better.
- Back to the father, I think I have understood that these two versions of God have the biggest number of fans.
- We don't really call them "fans" and, to answer your question, it's not as you say: there are a lot more than two.
- Can you draw up a kind of top list for me?
- You really are catching me out : there are dozens of religions, and even more internal divisions.
- Just an overview...
- Well, I am sure Chistianity is at number one, with more or less two billion believers divided into Catholics, Protestants, the Orthodox church and I don't know who else. At number two, but only slightly behind, there's Islam. Further down, as far as I remember, Hinduism, Buddhism and Judaism, in that order. But I shall have to check.
- Just out of curiosity, you did that again: why are you using the word "believers" and not, say, "followers", or "admirers"?
- Because it's a matter of believing in God or not. That is what religious people call an "act of faith", that means "I want to believe God exists even if I've never actually seen him".
- You mean that even those others have no concrete evidence of their own God's existence?
- No, they haven't either. They all have books, traditions and stories they have handed on, things that God likes and things that God tells them not to do, but if you want me to show you a photograph of God, or a fingerprint or, say, an autograph on a little piece of paper, well, no, there's nothing at all, not even on eBay.
- Well, he told us.
- Personally?
- No, not personally. He left a note.
- A note he wrote himself?
- Erm... no. He dictated it to somebody who wrote it on his behalf.
- And this somebody... it was somebody he trusted?
- Well, someone who could talk with God, so I guess so.
- You mean that God would only talk to some of you?
- No, no, God talked with all those who wanted to talk to him, when he descended on the Earth.
- But where would he be the rest of the time ?
- Somewhere, or anywhere, I have no idea: you know, things you can afford to do when you are God.
- In brief: he was somewhere else, but dictating his story to someone.
- There you are. Exactly.
- Over the phone?
- Come on, no! God doesn't need to use the phone. He appears to you, or you hear his voice in your head, I guess.
- You are telling me that the whole theory of the existence of your God , who is supposed to have created the Earth and the rest of the universe, relies solely on the story told by a guy who heard voices?
- Hold on, why are you always so extreme? First of all, that same story was written by many others.
- How many?
- Well, for instance, four of them only for the Christians.
- And you are convinced they were all telling the truth?
- Sure: their stories are quite similar. In come cases they match to perfection.
- I'm asking you the same question again: you are convinced you are the favorite sons of a God who is supposed to have created first you and then the rest of the universe, just because somebody who heard voices wrote the story down and three other guys copied?
- Before I go on, help me figure out if I have to answer for myself or on behalf of the entire human race.
- I just need a general outline.
- Good. Because I am not precisely the religious type.
- I just want to know a few, simple things.
- Tell me.
- First of all, before you said that your God had "descended on the Earth". It never crossed your minds that he could be an alien, just like me?
- No.
- Why not?
- Because, as far as I know, God has opposable thumbs. And no, that's not how the story goes. And please note that what I am about to tell you is just one of the stories, the story of the Christians' God, one of the most popular on the Earth.
- You mean you have more than one God for a single planet?
- There are dozens of them, if you want to know.
- Don't you think it's a tad too much?
- It depends. Everyone obviously thinks their own God is the right one.
- So, there is a "right" God, and all the others are wrong?
- Let's say that the idea of God is more or less the same for everyone, with conflicting versions as regards his origin.
- Could you be more clear?
- The God of the Christians, for instance, is the same God of the Jews. Even the first part of the sacred books that talk about him is the same for both of them.
- So why don't they find an agreement?
- Because the former believe - as I was telling you a few minutes ago - that their God has sent his son on the Earth to save us, whereas the latter (together with the Muslims) think that he wasn't the son of God, but an ordinary prophet.
- There was this rumor also regarding our God, saying he wasn't really God's son. But then the mother asked for the DNA test and God was forced to acknowledge him, if nothing else because he knew he had little time left and needed a heir, so not to leave the position open.
- There are still clashing opinions regarding ours.
- But, excuse me, how can that possibly be? Did he save you in the end, or was he just a prophet?
- We have no idea: they killed him before we could know.
- Who killed him, the Christians or the Jews?
- Both of them: they were all guilty somehow. They nailed him on some wooden poles arranged in a cross.
- What a weird and incredibly cruel way to kill somebody.
- It is, to such an extent that the Christians celebrate that moment every single year, and you may recognize them because round the neck they wear a little cross with the son of God attached to it
- Don't you think it's a little gruesome? It's as if, say, all Marmellinds wore at the wrist a pendant picturing somebody being forced to sneeze.
- I'm not following you.
- On Marmellous Behind the death penalty is in force...
- Okay, got it so far.
- Well, it is inflicted by forcing you to sneeze. They hold you, they tickle your nose with a feather, or in some cases make you sniff pepper, and a few seconds later: atishoo! Blood-curling indeed.
- I agree it may seem a gruesome habit... but you know, we've become almost accustomed to seeing him attached up there.
- But what had he done to deserve such a terrible death? Was it debts, like ours?
- No. To tell the truth, as far as we know, he was apparently a good man. A little whimsical, if I'm allowed; maybe a bit out of time; maybe a tad too much of an introvert with odd ideas, let's say, but in the end - basically - he was only somebody who wanted to change the world for the better.
- Back to the father, I think I have understood that these two versions of God have the biggest number of fans.
- We don't really call them "fans" and, to answer your question, it's not as you say: there are a lot more than two.
- Can you draw up a kind of top list for me?
- You really are catching me out : there are dozens of religions, and even more internal divisions.
- Just an overview...
- Well, I am sure Chistianity is at number one, with more or less two billion believers divided into Catholics, Protestants, the Orthodox church and I don't know who else. At number two, but only slightly behind, there's Islam. Further down, as far as I remember, Hinduism, Buddhism and Judaism, in that order. But I shall have to check.
- Just out of curiosity, you did that again: why are you using the word "believers" and not, say, "followers", or "admirers"?
- Because it's a matter of believing in God or not. That is what religious people call an "act of faith", that means "I want to believe God exists even if I've never actually seen him".
- You mean that even those others have no concrete evidence of their own God's existence?
- No, they haven't either. They all have books, traditions and stories they have handed on, things that God likes and things that God tells them not to do, but if you want me to show you a photograph of God, or a fingerprint or, say, an autograph on a little piece of paper, well, no, there's nothing at all, not even on eBay.
English translation by Paola Corazza
© 2009 Gianluca Neri - All Rights Reserved