The Great Phone Directory of the Earth and neighbouring planets: Chapter 16
Chapter 16
- I was wondering: since none of you has seen him in person and nobody, as it seems, knows for sure where he is and what does he look like, wouldn't it be easier to find an agreement and choose one single God for all?
- You are touching a sore point here: on the Earth most wars are caused by clashing opinions regarding which is the right God.
- But before you said that many religions have a common origin and that some of them even share some of the main characters.
- That's right. With some exceptions.
- Like which ones?
- Huh, the first I can think of is that, for instance, the Christians and the Jews have the Ten Commandments, but not the Muslims.
- What are the Ten Commandments?
- They are ten laws that God wants you to respect, otherwise you commit a sin.
- A sin?
- Yes, it's when you do something that God doesn't like.
- Something that maybe you like doing...
- Right, it happens very often. But those who believe in a God try hard not to make him angry.
- And what does he give them in return?
- It's not one of those things you do to get something in return! They do that because they believe what God says is right.
- Listen, I don't know you how it goes over there but on all the planets I happened to visit nobody does nothing for nothing.
- All right, ok, if you want to see it that way, in return they obtain the eternal life.
- You mean that they never die?
- No, they do die, you bet! But God promises them that, when this will happen, he will find for them a much better place to stay, forever.
- Another planet? Couldn't they just take the trolley bus, instead of waiting to die, to travel around? And one more thing: what's the point in going to another planet when you're dead? How can they possibly have a good time?
- First: we don't know if it's another planet, and we don't even know what the place looks like, or where it is. Second thing: when they go there they are not dead anymore: God makes them live again.
- You mean your God is capable of resurrecting the dead?
- I don't know if he's capable of doing it: I only know that those who believe in him are absolutely sure he can.
- I have a question.
- Please.
- If over there is so much better than over here, why don't you all kill yourselves right now, so you can go there without getting bored out of your minds waiting to die?
- We can't do that.
- Why?
- Because we would commit a sin: many terrestrials believe that life is a gift of God and that he is the only one who can decide to take it.
- So, it's not really a gift: it's more like a loan.
- If you want to put it that way, it is, more or less.
- I have another question: can you tell me if you are totally sure these dead people have actually ended up in a better place and, most of all, are truly alive over there? Did anybody come back from this place God takes them to, confirming it is all true?
- No, nobody can come back from there. There's a reason why we call them "dead".
- Yes but, according to what you said before, once they got there they should have gone back to life again. You would have needed one, just one of them, to take the trolley bus back home and tell you: "Hey, listen, you know that life after death thing we were talking about when I was alive? See, it's all true! I'm going back there now because, honestly, compared to where we are now, this place really sucks. Send my greetings home and I wish you all the worst, so we can meet sooner".
- As I told you before, those who believe in God think that only to question such an assumption - and many others - means to commit a sin.
- Oh, are there others?
- Yes, there are. One of those I remember, for instance, is that God is one and triune.
- You really must explain that one.
- In brief, it means that God is one single being divided into three people.
- I didn't tell you I hadn't understood, I just asked you to explain how can that be possible.
- I don't know how it can be possible.
- If you put it that way, it's like saying 7 times 6 equals 54.
- There, you nearly got the point regarding the Christians: to accept a dogma really means to believe that 7 times 6 equals 54. Because God says so.
- I'm really curious to know who these three people are.
- Well, one of them is God.
- That's rather logical.
- Another one is God's son, the one we were talking about before.
- All right.
- What do you mean with "all right"?
- Ok, go ahead, tell me who is the third one.
- Just like that? Not a single remark on the fact that one cannot be at the same time the father and his own son?
- Buddy, I don't know how to put it …But if you, like me, had seen what a shambles it was when they spread the news we just needed a toaster and some sunscreen to travel through time, I can assure you that meeting somebody who was actually his own son would have been the most ordinary of things.
- Now I'm the one who doesn't get it.
- I think on the Earth you have this saying according to which a man, unconsciously, in a woman will look for his own mum. Well, at the time there would be people saying: why not screwing directly the mum?
- Oh...
- Yes.
- Well…
- There's no need for you to comment. I had told you that time travelling had been forbidden for a reason. Instead, tell me who the third person was.
- The third person is not a person.
- It isn't ?
- No. It's a bird.
- A bird…
- Yes, well, this is how it is often depicted: it is called Holy Spirit.
- But it is a bird or not?
- The believers have described it sometimes as a dove, others like water, or fire, or a cloud, or a ray of light.
- Honestly: you have no idea what it looks like.
- I haven't, no.
- But this trinity thing, almost all of you believe in it.
- The Christians believe in it, because according to the Muslims and the Jews, the Holy Spirit does exist but is not a part of God.
- But they believe the son is.
- No. According to the Muslims the son was a prophet, but not the most important. The Jews also do not recognise him as God and not even as the son of God, even though he was one of them.
- One of them, who?
- The son of God was a Jewish preacher.
- You are telling me that even the son of God believes in a different religion from the one that claims he is the son of God?
- You always have this bad habit of reducing everything to next to nothing.
- You are right. Let's sum up the main points again, so you can tell me where I'm going wrong: one of the most popular gods of your planet preaches humbleness but cultivates an outsized ego to the extent that he demands to act under a monopoly system; he obliges you to be faithful to him and to respect his laws, making you believe that if you do so and if you'll be nice to him after you die you will go to a much better place that nobody has ever seen not even in a picture, nobody knows where it is and from where nobody has ever returned; you say he's given you life, but you cannot do with it what you like; he claims to be one but also three, and to the few who say they have seen him - who had clearly serious issues of their own - he has appeared one time dressed up as God, another one as the son, sometimes as a bird, and then as a cloud, as light, as water and other times as fire; finally, he has a son who follows only one of the religions he is starring in and, strangely enough, is the only one in which he is not the son of God. Have I left something out?
- I have no idea, but let's pretend you haven't.
- There's only one more thing I would like to know.
- Tell me.
- This "God", did he make you sign anything?
- Not as far I know.
- And you immediately called the consumers' unions, right?
- You are touching a sore point here: on the Earth most wars are caused by clashing opinions regarding which is the right God.
- But before you said that many religions have a common origin and that some of them even share some of the main characters.
- That's right. With some exceptions.
- Like which ones?
- Huh, the first I can think of is that, for instance, the Christians and the Jews have the Ten Commandments, but not the Muslims.
- What are the Ten Commandments?
- They are ten laws that God wants you to respect, otherwise you commit a sin.
- A sin?
- Yes, it's when you do something that God doesn't like.
- Something that maybe you like doing...
- Right, it happens very often. But those who believe in a God try hard not to make him angry.
- And what does he give them in return?
- It's not one of those things you do to get something in return! They do that because they believe what God says is right.
- Listen, I don't know you how it goes over there but on all the planets I happened to visit nobody does nothing for nothing.
- All right, ok, if you want to see it that way, in return they obtain the eternal life.
- You mean that they never die?
- No, they do die, you bet! But God promises them that, when this will happen, he will find for them a much better place to stay, forever.
- Another planet? Couldn't they just take the trolley bus, instead of waiting to die, to travel around? And one more thing: what's the point in going to another planet when you're dead? How can they possibly have a good time?
- First: we don't know if it's another planet, and we don't even know what the place looks like, or where it is. Second thing: when they go there they are not dead anymore: God makes them live again.
- You mean your God is capable of resurrecting the dead?
- I don't know if he's capable of doing it: I only know that those who believe in him are absolutely sure he can.
- I have a question.
- Please.
- If over there is so much better than over here, why don't you all kill yourselves right now, so you can go there without getting bored out of your minds waiting to die?
- We can't do that.
- Why?
- Because we would commit a sin: many terrestrials believe that life is a gift of God and that he is the only one who can decide to take it.
- So, it's not really a gift: it's more like a loan.
- If you want to put it that way, it is, more or less.
- I have another question: can you tell me if you are totally sure these dead people have actually ended up in a better place and, most of all, are truly alive over there? Did anybody come back from this place God takes them to, confirming it is all true?
- No, nobody can come back from there. There's a reason why we call them "dead".
- Yes but, according to what you said before, once they got there they should have gone back to life again. You would have needed one, just one of them, to take the trolley bus back home and tell you: "Hey, listen, you know that life after death thing we were talking about when I was alive? See, it's all true! I'm going back there now because, honestly, compared to where we are now, this place really sucks. Send my greetings home and I wish you all the worst, so we can meet sooner".
- As I told you before, those who believe in God think that only to question such an assumption - and many others - means to commit a sin.
- Oh, are there others?
- Yes, there are. One of those I remember, for instance, is that God is one and triune.
- You really must explain that one.
- In brief, it means that God is one single being divided into three people.
- I didn't tell you I hadn't understood, I just asked you to explain how can that be possible.
- I don't know how it can be possible.
- If you put it that way, it's like saying 7 times 6 equals 54.
- There, you nearly got the point regarding the Christians: to accept a dogma really means to believe that 7 times 6 equals 54. Because God says so.
- I'm really curious to know who these three people are.
- Well, one of them is God.
- That's rather logical.
- Another one is God's son, the one we were talking about before.
- All right.
- What do you mean with "all right"?
- Ok, go ahead, tell me who is the third one.
- Just like that? Not a single remark on the fact that one cannot be at the same time the father and his own son?
- Buddy, I don't know how to put it …But if you, like me, had seen what a shambles it was when they spread the news we just needed a toaster and some sunscreen to travel through time, I can assure you that meeting somebody who was actually his own son would have been the most ordinary of things.
- Now I'm the one who doesn't get it.
- I think on the Earth you have this saying according to which a man, unconsciously, in a woman will look for his own mum. Well, at the time there would be people saying: why not screwing directly the mum?
- Oh...
- Yes.
- Well…
- There's no need for you to comment. I had told you that time travelling had been forbidden for a reason. Instead, tell me who the third person was.
- The third person is not a person.
- It isn't ?
- No. It's a bird.
- A bird…
- Yes, well, this is how it is often depicted: it is called Holy Spirit.
- But it is a bird or not?
- The believers have described it sometimes as a dove, others like water, or fire, or a cloud, or a ray of light.
- Honestly: you have no idea what it looks like.
- I haven't, no.
- But this trinity thing, almost all of you believe in it.
- The Christians believe in it, because according to the Muslims and the Jews, the Holy Spirit does exist but is not a part of God.
- But they believe the son is.
- No. According to the Muslims the son was a prophet, but not the most important. The Jews also do not recognise him as God and not even as the son of God, even though he was one of them.
- One of them, who?
- The son of God was a Jewish preacher.
- You are telling me that even the son of God believes in a different religion from the one that claims he is the son of God?
- You always have this bad habit of reducing everything to next to nothing.
- You are right. Let's sum up the main points again, so you can tell me where I'm going wrong: one of the most popular gods of your planet preaches humbleness but cultivates an outsized ego to the extent that he demands to act under a monopoly system; he obliges you to be faithful to him and to respect his laws, making you believe that if you do so and if you'll be nice to him after you die you will go to a much better place that nobody has ever seen not even in a picture, nobody knows where it is and from where nobody has ever returned; you say he's given you life, but you cannot do with it what you like; he claims to be one but also three, and to the few who say they have seen him - who had clearly serious issues of their own - he has appeared one time dressed up as God, another one as the son, sometimes as a bird, and then as a cloud, as light, as water and other times as fire; finally, he has a son who follows only one of the religions he is starring in and, strangely enough, is the only one in which he is not the son of God. Have I left something out?
- I have no idea, but let's pretend you haven't.
- There's only one more thing I would like to know.
- Tell me.
- This "God", did he make you sign anything?
- Not as far I know.
- And you immediately called the consumers' unions, right?
English translation by Paola Corazza
© 2009 Gianluca Neri - All Rights Reserved