Animals Who Need Big Kisses

The problem with a hammerhead shark is that, because its eyes are on opposite sides of its head, it probably thinks it is two different sharks. Therefore, it will be difficult to kiss one side of the shark without the other side of it feeling left out, and possibly even jealous. ...

Moose need kisses because they have done so much to express that they want to work with us – they even arranged to have premium, two-person seating sticking out of their heads – but we still rely on horses instead.

Octopuses need kisses because when they don’t get kisses on their kiss spots, the kiss spots cry darkness because the octopuses are so sad.

In the latest instance of what seems to be a never-ending saga of wardrobe-related gaffes for the Prime Minister, Stephen Harper arrived for his first ...

Camels need kisses because, as everyone knows, they were designed by committee: A committee, I guess, to create a really good saddle.

The saddest thing about walruses is that, if you think about it, their bodies only have two main parts: Their heads, and the rest of them, which is their butt. Some people think that, because they have flippers, their butts constitute some sort of torso. ...

As has been discussed in the past, panda bears reinforce negative stereotypes about the Chinese by eating nothing but bamboo, even though they could eat lots of things that would be less environmentally devastating for them to consume. ...

Giant tortoises need kisses because they live for hundreds of years; a long way to go with no loving. Unfortunately, because they have been around the block and then some, they are not easy to fool, but you can take advantage of the one thing that probably eats at them: Why am I stuck in this thing?

Given its shape and texture, I think we can all agree that a snail really is a kiss more than it needs a kiss. And, thanks to its beautiful shell, it has not only the ability to give a big slimy kiss, but also has a perfect place to plant one of your own!

Here is how I would kiss a giraffe: I would hide in a tree and wait for it to stick its head in, looking for a delicious apple. When I saw the giraffe, I would hold out an apple and maybe paint my arm brown, so that it looked like part of the tree. ...

Black Widows need kisses because they are like girls that no guys will go out with anymore because the word is out that they are crazy. The guys are all like “Ya, she’s nuts – I heard she ate her last three boyfriends. ...

Buffaloes need kisses because they literally look like steaks, or really any side of beef, which exposes them to danger because people see them and go “Oh my God, I want to eat that guy right now.”