Last Week on Asylum #5

Video of the Week: Your favorite childhood video game was conceived under the influence of lots and lots of drugs.

Sex: Alert! Alert! It’s the invasion of the penis snatchers!

Women: Who doesn’t love a woman who is ready and willing to roleplay?

Weird: Cop arrested after moo-lesting a cow.

Style: The amazing, alternative T-shirts of Atticus.

Gadgets: Look like Bones from "Star Trek" for 40 bones.

On Asylum Last Week... #4

Video of the Week: The Roots give Hendrix a run for "The Star Spangled Banner."

Sex: Save the environment, one lay at a time.

Women: Is there anything hotter than a girl who surfs and plays guitar?

Gadgets: Have you ever been at a restaurant and there’s a guy next to you yapping on his cell phone? Try the T-1000 Jammer.

Weird: A defense attorney gets sent to jail for making the universal gesture for masturbating. Motion adjourned.

Smooth Move: Ten things you should never say to a black woman.

On Asylum Last Week... #3

Video of the Week: When TV Reporters Get Attacked. Not for the squeamish.

Sex: Male enhancement pills could kill you, so stop taking them if you like, you know, life.

Women: Miss Japan is making us question our allegiance.

Gear: Hand held lie detectors are being issued to U.S. soldiers in Afghanistan ... but do they work?

Style: Bring the insanity of Absinthe to your face. Let your skin hallucinate.

Politics: The city of Lunt considers a name change. Can you guess why?

Our Favorite Comments of the Week:

From Awkward Signs, Jim wrote, ""It’s a poor mind that can think of only one way to spell a word" Samuel Clements I believe."

From Need for Speed, Sheila wrote, "So lemme get this straight… you’re cruising down the highway at a mediocre 90 miles an hour, and you’re getting text messages telling you there is a speed trap ahead? I don’t think you have to worry so much about getting caught speeding as you do keeping your car on the road while you try to read the text message.’

From Manly Video Games, Sheila, who had an excellent week, also wrote,"Here’s one you missed: Super Mario Brothers. Only a male secure with his masculinity could play a short, fat dude with suspenders and bad taste in head gear who likes to jump on mushrooms.

What was on Asylum last week?

Video of the Week: Pedophile beards look great with rapist glasses and flasher trench coats.

Sex: British women are trying to stop midday meetings at lap-dance clubs. Our question is, why?

Women: You know who is nerdy, sexy, smart and a rock star? Zooey Deschanel.

Weird: There’s nothing quite like wrapping your legs around another man...when you’re training to be the ultimate warrior!

Style: The sun has set on the hairy chest, for better or worse.

Gear: What if your tattoo was also your cellphone? Prepare to meet the future, my friend.

Politics: An inside look at new Iraq documentary “Body of War.”

Comments of the Week:

From Office Insanity, Your Favorite Pranks, Nobody wrote, “Here’s a good one, I like to call the screen freeze.
1. Take a screen shot of your target’s computer. (Windows key + Print Screen)
2. Paste the screen shot into the Windows Paintbrush program, and save it as a jpg file.
3. Set this picture as the desktop wallpaper.
4. Close or Minimize ALL windows.
5. Grab the task bar at the bottom and move it to the top or the side. Also change the properties of it so that it auto hides.
6. Hide all desktop icons.”

From Man Had Sex with Patio Table, Reggie wrote, ””This was all just a big misunderstanding. The story was that he had been outside setting up the patio furniture and asked his wife if she thought they should use that old patio table again this season. She yelled out to him “Ah f—k that table. It’s looking shabby.” So that’s what he did. U can’t really fault him. He was doing what he was told.”

What Was On Asylum last Week?

Video of the Week: "Horrible People." Need we say more? Fine, it involves a turkey-baster-sex plot.

Sex: Could you fall in love with a robot? What about have sex with one? Really? Gross.

Women: If you frequent our site, you may have noticed we kind of have a thing for Ashley, Spitzer’s call girl. Spitzer’s other girl...not so much.

Style: Get a custom cuff link shaped like your face.

Gadgets: So you think your child might be illegitimate? Now there’s no need to wonder.

Politics: Did you think Hillary Clinton was lying about landing under sniper fire in Bosnia? You won’t after you see this evidence.

Heroes: Heroes in their own words—we look at a few of the best blogs from soldiers in Iraq.

Our Favorite Comments of the Week:

From Fear of Super Collider, Brian wrote, "Your web-site is great—just what us upwardly mobile young lads need. However, your major advertisement today is for CHICKEN SOUP! Am I missing the joke or have your advertisement sellers not looked at Asylum ??? Us lads are looking for a bit more than soup !
If I don’t win ‘comment of the week’ then I shall console myself with a bowl of Swanson soup !!!!!!!!!"

From Airport Security Forces Woman to Remove Nipple Ring, Howie wrote, "I finally feel safe now that nipple rings have made the list. An imaginative malcontent could strangle me with his shoelaces or thrust a ballpoint pen into my neck but at least he can’t shackle me to his accomplice’s nipple rings which could be cleverly disguised as anodes and cathodes of a pocket taser…oops, I’ve said too much."