Life Coach Jennifer Bridge

Being Your TRUE Self in Relationships

by Gwen Randall-Young

"This above all,--to thine own self be true; and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man." ~ William Shakespeare
Are you in a relationship with a spouse or a friend where you feel you cannot express your true thoughts? Do you find yourself censoring your views because you are afraid the other will become upset or it will create a problem? Do you feel at times like you are walking on eggshells?

This is not a healthy situation because in this kind of relationship you cannot be, or express your true self. You have to talk and behave in ways that will be acceptable to the other. This can create distance in the relationship, and even resentment.

You may end up shutting down important parts of yourself, and this can lead to unhappiness or even depression. Alternatively, you may have others in your life with whom you can be yourself, and then your life becomes fragmented. It is like you are one person with those with whom you can be your true self, and another person for those you must not annoy.

Honesty is such an important part of intimate relationships, and if we cannot be honest, we cannot have true intimacy. The relationship itself becomes dishonest, because we are pretending to be someone different than who we really are.

If revealing who we really are will result in rejection from the other, then it is not really us they think they love, but rather the idea of who they think we are. Both parties collude in keeping this deception going.

We all deserve to be loved and accepted for who we are. If you are dancing to the beat of someone else's drum, it may be time to stop, and take some time to decide just who it is you are, and how you want to be with that. You may decide that life is too short, and individuality to important to have to pretend.

This article was written by Gwen Randall-Young

UNIVERSE WITHIN - Letting Go

by Gwen Randall-Young

Sometimes, there are people in our lives with whom we have painful connections. It might be a parent, whom we hold responsible for a difficult childhood, a friend who has betrayed us, an ex-partner or a supervisor or colleague in the workplace.

These relationships may remain unresolved either because raising the issues may create more difficulty or because we simply do not want the relationship anymore. Either way, as we try to move on, we may find we take the pain with us.

Is it that the person hurt us so deeply that our wounds simply will not heal? Is it our karma to suffer some punishment for harm we have done to others in this or a past life? Or is the pain, in part, our own creation? Any or all of these reasons may be true, but the third option is the only one that allows us to create a different future for ourselves.

When we talk about creating our own pain, this does not mean that we have somehow ‘attracted’ painful situations to facilitate our learning. It means the situation, in itself, is not the problem, but rather it is our response to the situation that creates the pain. It is our holding on and continuing to put our energy into the memory of the problems that keeps the pain alive and thriving within our consciousness.

Our learning is not so much to ensure that we avoid painful situations and relationships; that would mean avoiding love and life. It is about learning to let go of the pain. If we keep thinking and talking about the painful past and begin to define ourselves in terms of what happened to us, we bind that pain to ourselves. This does not mean we should suppress pain, however.

It is important to talk about what has happened to us, but the goal is to heal it and move on, rather than continuing to etch it deeper and deeper into our psyches. Speaking badly of the ones who hurt us or fuelling vindictive feelings only creates more toxic energy. This is harmful to the physical body and, like an inversion layer, blocks the rays of the light of wisdom to which we all have access. This kind of toxic energy hardens our hearts.

The tendency to hold on to pain, almost like an emotional constipation, may, in part, be genetic. I know of one family in which for at least three and perhaps even four consecutive generations, there was one sibling who stopped speaking to one or more of the other siblings and the silence lasted for decades, even until death. The individual held on to perceived slights, ruminated and obsessed about them and never let go.

Genetics create predispositions, not destinies. A family history of pain and suffering is all the more reason to work to change the pattern, rather than unconsciously passing it on.

Letting go of pain does not mean that whatever someone has done to us is OK. It only means that we do not choose to spend the rest of our lives suffering from it.

Others can inflict pain upon us, but only we can release ourselves from emotional pain. It takes a lot of energy to maintain the pain, thus releasing it frees up large stores of energy for creativity, loving and moving forward in our lives.

Think of every resentment, pain and grudge you carry as a heavy piece of baggage. Picture yourself dragging this baggage everywhere you go. Then, imagine setting the bags down and walking into your future without them. All that is left now is to choose what you will do with your baggage.

It’s your future and it will be what you make it. Choose consciously.

20 Ways to Get Good Karma By The Dalai Lama

1. Take into account that great love and great achievements involve great risk.
2. When you lose, don’t lose the lesson.
3. Follow the three R’s:
- Respect for self,
- Respect for others and
- Responsibility for all your actions.
4. Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful stroke of luck.
5. Learn the rules so you know how to break them properly.
6. Don’t let a little dispute injure a great relationship.
7. When you realize you’ve made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.
8. Spend some time alone every day.
9. Open your arms to change, but don’t let go of your values.
10. Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.
11. Live a good, honorable life. Then when you get older and
think back, you’ll be able to enjoy it a second time.
12. A loving atmosphere in your home is the foundation for your life.
13. In disagreements with loved ones, deal only with the current situation. Don’t bring up the past.
14. Share your knowledge. It is a way to achieve immortality.
15. Be gentle with the earth.
16. Once a year, go someplace you’ve never been before.
17. Remember that the best relationship is one in which your love for each other exceeds your need for each other.
18. Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.
19. If you want others to be happy, practice compassion.
20. If you want to be happy, practice compassion.
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