RyanGarns.com

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The state of California, crippled with a $25 billion deficit, 11.5% unemployment, and a devastating Simon Cowell contract negotiation, is in desperate need of an economic turnaround...

One of the pitfalls of writing comedy, apart from attracting copious numbers of women whose hearts must be toyed with to keep them at bay, is that occasionally I'll get readers who simply don't understand irony...

Hi! Billy Mays here! Are you tired of Muslim extremists threatening your freedom? Do you wish there was an easy way of extracting information from these fanatics about their next terrorist attack? Well, now there is! It's an exciting new interrogation method called waterboarding...

Did you miss Keith Olbermann's latest tirade on "Countdown"? If MSNBC's feeble ratings are any indication, you're not alone. Never fear! Just read the following Olbermann Rant TemplateTM, customize the content where applicable, and voila...

The Command Center of "The Mittens Chronicles"...

President Obama is under pressure from gay activist groups to select a homosexual to replace the retiring Supreme Court Justice David Souter...

"Do you have any idea how irritating most people are to eavesdrop on?" says Steve McCroskey, Surveillance Director at the Department of Homeland Security. "We monitor millions of phone calls, emails, instant messages, tweets, blogs, podcasts, and other communications.....

There have been many reports in the past of Jesus Christ's image appearing in unlikely places -- burnt toast, moldy bathtubs, stained-glass windows, Donald Trump's eyebrows -- but now the image of Christ has appeared in perhaps the most unlikely place yet: on RyanGarns.com...

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An eccentric real estate mogul has issued a declaration of independence for his recently acquired private island in the Pacific Ocean south of Fiji. This new nation, called Freedonia, has borrowed none other than the United States Constitution for its basis of government...

  (Customer pulls car up to the drive-thru speaker.) ...