S**t My Dad Said Says "Who in the fuck is tila tequila? Is she a stripper?...That's her? Yeah, that's a stripper, son, I don't give a shit what you say."
S**t My Dad Said Says "Everybody loves that Da Vinci code book. Bullshit, it sucks. I read it. It's for all the dummies."
S**t My Dad Said Says "I'm having a Makers Mark, you want one? What? 7up? I ain't mixing fucking makers with 7up. Might as well put a lil' fucking umbrella in it"
S**t My Dad Said Says “You touched that god damned biscuit. Bullshit, I saw you touch it….I don’t give a shit about your evidence, this isn’t a court of law."
S**t My Dad Said Says "It's just a fucking june bug, calm down. Jesus Christ, what happens when something bigger than a testicle attacks you?"
S**t My Dad Said Says "What are you listening to?...I know who Hall & Oates are god dammit. It's the mustache guy and the gay man."
S**t My Dad Said Says "I just did an hour on the gym machine. I'm sweaty and I have to shit. Where's my fannypack, this workout is over."
S**t My Dad Said Says to my bro-"Your baby dropped his binky. The binky is on the table. THE BINKY IS ON THE TABLE. BINKY ON TABLE. PICK.UP.THE.BINKY. Thank you."
S**t My Dad Said Says (watching the Little League World Series) "These kids are all fat. I remember when you were in little league.... You were fat."
S**t My Dad Said Says "You know, sometimes it's nice having you around. But now ain't one of those times. Now gimmie the remote we're not watching this bullshit."
S**t My Dad Said Says "Your mother rented this film, What Happens In Vegas. I thought it was going to be non-fiction, but it's fiction, and it's about some idiot."
S**t My Dad Said Says "The dog don't like you planting stuff there. It's his backyard. If you're the only one who shits in something, you own it. Remember that."
S**t My Dad Said Says "How the fuck should I know if it's still good? Eat it. You get sick, it wasn't good. You people, you think I got microscopic fucking eyes."
S**t My Dad Said Says "Who is this woman?....Kate Beckinsale? Well, you can tell Kate Beckinsale she sucks."
