The Brown Spot

For some time, you have suspected your ex-girlfriend Kelly’s new boyfriend Jake has you beat in some areas. This is incorrect. Jake has you beat in all areas.Jake is better than you.Jake has a better job. He is a physician. He makes sick children

1.) Michael Jackson left behind his actual corpse to be displayed in a celebrity wax museum. America, FUCK YEAH! 2.) Lindsay Lohan was paid 70K to throw a premature birthday party for herself. America, FUCK YEAH!3.) Michael Vick quit his job as a

“Times are tough,” said Adharma “Andy” Patel in regards to the economic turmoil which now recklessly plagues the average American’s everyday existence. “Interestingly, though, people without jobs want nothing more than to be challenged.” According to

Some people say, “You can’t put a price on love.” But I can. For me, it was One Hundred Thirty-Eight Dollars. That’s how much it cost me to fall in love with Sabrina, one of the girls at the Paradise Palace in Las Vegas, Nevada. Now, you might be saying

I know which McDonald’s commercials are targeted towards me, a young, successful Caucasian man edging ever closer to a family life in the suburbs. I know that commercial about the kids being excited when “dad” cooks because it means that he brings home

“I’m not an emaciated albino ape, get me out of here,” said Janice Dickinson from a makeshift cage of bamboo vines, sticks, and Sanjaya’s pubic hair. Dickinson, known best for being somewhat famous for no apparent reason, scares the shit out of little

Some of you out there may be thirsty for some more of ole Drew, and I’ve got a nice cold pounder coming your way: me, Drew himself, about to recap some of the hilarious jokes I’ve cracked over the last few weeks. I should have gotten the nose to the

Thanks to a technicality, noted emoticonvict had 12 consecutive life sentences overturned. Now he's back on the streets. And wants to make something of his life.

Wrigleyville, I love you but I think it’s time we break up. We’ve had a blast these last few years but, truth be told, I just want to get home within a reasonable time after leaving work, but despite my best efforts, I can never seem to beat those rabid

Another late night out on a Tuesday end with your shoes in the pantry, your boxers in the living room and your hand in a bowl of sour cream? After your last Cubs’ game did you go from Bernie’s, to Captain Morgan’s Rum Club to sometime the next morning

Timothey Cutchens, part-time volunteer for Alderman Vi Daley of the 43rd Ward and full-time white, unmarked GMC conversion van owner, was caught this week spray painting the words “Official Business” on the side of his van while parked outside of

Just days after Eminem announced he was flying 200 autoworkers to Hollywood for a taping of late night talk show “Jimmy Kimmel Live,” Kid Rock declared he will be gifting recently laid-off auto manufacturers with a trip to the west coast as well. Not to