U Couldn't Make It Up

The Woolworths Catalogue

Pretty simple. If you are going to call your catalogue ‘The Big Red Book’ make sure the main colour is red and not yellow on the cover.

Chicken?

Possibly the worst chicken shop name? I suppose it’s too the point and the customer knows exactly what they can buy. Chicken.

I recently went to get my hair cut back where I used to live in Palmers Green. I have a wierd thing with hairdressers, only 3 salons have ever cut my hair and I just feel uncomfortable going to a new salon. That is why I go on a 3 hour round trip to get my hair done. Convient? No.

The one salon is a family friends from back home I’ve gone to my whole time in Worcester. The 2nd was in Oakwood, London near my halls and I only went in there once. I ended up having the worst hair cut of my life, but that wasn’t what put me off. This was a proper rude boy barbers I was to discover. During my 30 minutes in there I was offered, and no joke, illegal Batman and Star Wars merchandise, 2 A0 metal picture frames, t-shirts, cocaine and weed. I said no to all. All I wanted was a hair cut.

The third and current salon is in Palmers Green and this is where this post takes shape. I do miss the wierdos in Palmers Green, I really do, everyone is just too normal in Crouch End and sometimes that is not a good thing.

I got off the bus and crossed the road. I was in the middle of the main road when I heard someone shouting at me. It was a tramp asking me if I could give him some money. I replied “I am in the middle of crossing a main road and would like to get to the other side. No thank you.”

I entered the salon and waited my turn. I then got my hair washed before it was cut. There was a new woman washing the customer’s hair, she seemed like an illegal immigrant (possibly) and 50 years old. I question this, because she is 50, why is she just washing hair? To be fair she seemed nice enough. I layed back and she said i will alter the seat, she yanked it so far upwards as smooth as a rollercoaster.

I then noticed her bingo wings on her arms, and I really noticed them as they slapped my face not once, not twice but three times before she said sorry. Lovely. Around 10 minutes later while my hair was being cut, what song came on the radio in the salon? “Wind Beneath My Wings.” I found it almost impossible to stop laughing at the irony.

Now best of all between having my hair washed and hair cut, the sort of thing I seem to attract happened again. Another tramp came into the salon and I quote, “My nail is half coming off my finger could you cut it off?” The owner politely declined saying she can’t use hair scissors on nails for health and safety issues. He then left and everyone burst out laughing. I have to question why he didn’t go into one of the billion nail salons in Palmers Green (every 5th shop is a nail salon there, no really) or just didn’t pick it off if he was that desperate.