USELESS ADVICE FROM USELESS MEN

Dear Useless Men,I'm a fan of what you do on your site, and I have a great product for you to review. I developed the Disposable Flask - it holds 5 shots of liquor, empties completely flat and fits easily into your back pocket...

Dear Useless Men,I came across your blog and I loved it! I can see that you've done an amazing job there, with your unique content I bet your readers are always looking forward to what you write next...

In the absence of actually posting replies for way too long, we will try to appease our loyal followers with a new feature we call Useless Excuses. I hope you are both happy. DUE TO THE ECONOMIC CRISIS, HAD TO SELL LETTERS K,P,Q,X, AND Z.Stay tuned for more answers and excuses...

In the absence of actually posting replies for way too long, we will try to appease our loyal followers with a new feature we call Useless Excuses. I hope you are both happy. CAN'T GET MY HEAD AROUND THE TIME TRAVEL THEORY OF LOST. NEED TO WATCH ALL THREE BACK TO THE FUTURE MOVIES AGAIN...

Dear Useless Men,I am a terrible letter writer and often forget to send off cards to friends and relatives for their birthdays, anniversaries or, really, any occasion. What can I do?Signed,____________ Dear ____________,What can you do...

In the absence of actually posting replies for way too long, we will try to appease our loyal followers with a new feature we call Useless Excuses. I hope you are both happy. APPLICATION FOR THE BACHELOR WAS REJECTED. THEN IT WAS ACCEPTED AFTER THE OTHER GUY DIDN'T WORK OUT...

In the absence of actually posting replies for way too long, we will try to appease our loyal followers with a new feature we call Useless Excuses. I hope you are both happy. TWO WORDS: NEVER ENDING BASEMENT RENOVATION PROJECT WITH OVER RUNS.Stay tuned for more answers and excuses...

In the absence of actually posting replies for way too long, we will try to appease our loyal followers with a new feature we call Useless Excuses. I hope you are both happy. BEEN STUCK IN A CHINESE FINGER TRAP FOR THE LAST SIX MONTHS.Stay tuned for more answers and excuses...

In the absence of actually posting replies for way too long, we will try to appease our loyal followers with a new feature we call Useless Excuses. I hope you are both happy...

Dear Useless Advisors, I am stuck at work for my birthday (8am - 6pm) and would like a few tips for how I can still enjoy the day. I work in an administrative, stuffy suit job in Manhattan. ~Jayne DoughDear Jayne Dough,Apparently you are as much of a loser as I am if you can't make plans after 6pm...

Dear Useless Men,Does general personal attitude (optimism or pessimism) have any direct bearing or influence over the application of Murphy's Law?NonameDear Noname, General Personal Attitude is very powerful, and very dark...

Dear Useless Friends, So, I have been reading since before you got a useless clock and have seen many questions about relationships answered, so I wanted to pose one of my own. I highly enjoy the company of this guy who lives in my dorm building...

Dear Useless Men,I use a computer in a public place and there is a guy there most times I go in. He constantly, snuffs, snorts, sighs and scatches the whole time I'm there. Why does he do this? I've watched through a window before going in and he is just surfing the web...

Dear Useless Men, My sister has double dog dared me to wear this costume for halloween. I wanted to get your advice since you are such a Halloween GuRu!? Velvet GingerDear VG,At first glance this costume might seem inappropriate and hussyish and there is some validity there...