USELESS ADVICE FROM USELESS MEN

In the absence of actually posting replies for way too long, we will try to appease our loyal followers with a new feature we call Useless Excuses. I hope you are both happy. DUE TO THE ECONOMIC CRISIS, HAD TO SELL LETTERS K,P,Q,X, AND Z.Stay tuned for more answers and excuses...

In the absence of actually posting replies for way too long, we will try to appease our loyal followers with a new feature we call Useless Excuses. I hope you are both happy. CAN'T GET MY HEAD AROUND THE TIME TRAVEL THEORY OF LOST. NEED TO WATCH ALL THREE BACK TO THE FUTURE MOVIES AGAIN...

Dear Useless Men,I am a terrible letter writer and often forget to send off cards to friends and relatives for their birthdays, anniversaries or, really, any occasion. What can I do?Signed,____________ Dear ____________,What can you do...

In the absence of actually posting replies for way too long, we will try to appease our loyal followers with a new feature we call Useless Excuses. I hope you are both happy. APPLICATION FOR THE BACHELOR WAS REJECTED. THEN IT WAS ACCEPTED AFTER THE OTHER GUY DIDN'T WORK OUT...

In the absence of actually posting replies for way too long, we will try to appease our loyal followers with a new feature we call Useless Excuses. I hope you are both happy. TWO WORDS: NEVER ENDING BASEMENT RENOVATION PROJECT WITH OVER RUNS.Stay tuned for more answers and excuses...

In the absence of actually posting replies for way too long, we will try to appease our loyal followers with a new feature we call Useless Excuses. I hope you are both happy. BEEN STUCK IN A CHINESE FINGER TRAP FOR THE LAST SIX MONTHS.Stay tuned for more answers and excuses...

In the absence of actually posting replies for way too long, we will try to appease our loyal followers with a new feature we call Useless Excuses. I hope you are both happy...

Dear Useless Advisors, I am stuck at work for my birthday (8am - 6pm) and would like a few tips for how I can still enjoy the day. I work in an administrative, stuffy suit job in Manhattan. ~Jayne DoughDear Jayne Dough,Apparently you are as much of a loser as I am if you can't make plans after 6pm...

Dear Useless Men,Does general personal attitude (optimism or pessimism) have any direct bearing or influence over the application of Murphy's Law?NonameDear Noname, General Personal Attitude is very powerful, and very dark...

Dear Useless Friends, So, I have been reading since before you got a useless clock and have seen many questions about relationships answered, so I wanted to pose one of my own. I highly enjoy the company of this guy who lives in my dorm building...

Dear Useless Men,I use a computer in a public place and there is a guy there most times I go in. He constantly, snuffs, snorts, sighs and scatches the whole time I'm there. Why does he do this? I've watched through a window before going in and he is just surfing the web...

Dear Useless Men, My sister has double dog dared me to wear this costume for halloween. I wanted to get your advice since you are such a Halloween GuRu!? Velvet GingerDear VG,At first glance this costume might seem inappropriate and hussyish and there is some validity there...

Dear Useless Men, It's been awhile since I wrote. Luckily I'm not Catholic or you'd be telling me I had to do some kind of annoying penance. Not that penance is all bad. Some of it is kind of fun. So... do you like being spanked or do you prefer to give a little swat now and then...

Dear Useless Men,Gimme some useful advice- I always feel uncomfortable when searching for loose change. How do I change this??In addition to soliciting advice, I'm writing to you today on behalf of Schick - they have a new Quattro Titanium Trimmer that is unlike anything else on the market...

Dear Useless Men,Why does the media find it necessary to state the absolutely obvious facts in such a way that we are led to believe that it was a surprising revelation to them when they heard it at the press conference? My best example is the most recent tragic shooting in Omaha...

Dear Useless Men,Why do ppl who think they know everything often have 20 cats and always smell like cat pee?Honkeie2Dear Honkeie2Cat urine is stronger and more offensive than dog or human urine, so I can understand your repulsion...

Dear Useless Men, Very, very long time ago, in IT department of one Telecom company we founded small useless community. We called it US since then, which is short for Useless Speaking. We talked about magnesium, reverse kicks, randomizing and many other interesting things...

Dear Useless Men, Mkay.Here's the deal.... I met a man I really like, but he is ummmm.... otherwise spoken for.Not in the literal sense, but I get the feeling that his need to wrap up his past will take longer than what I have the time or patience for. How should I approach such a useless situation...

Dear Useless Men, I think it's great The Useless Wonder is participating the Becel Ride for Heart.I tried to send you a donation -- but the only accepted Credit Cards... which I don't have (was hoping for paypal *lol*)Oh well.....

Dear Useless Men,What do you think about sleep. Is it highly overrated. Personally, I don't feel there can be too much sleep, but then perhaps I just need a nap.Sincerely,SleepyDear Sleepy,I am a chronic insomniac and can honestly say that sleep is like air...

Dear Useless Men,With all this talk about steroids in baseball why have they seemed to over look the obvious juice junkies-Football and Hockey players? I mean come on now, being on the gear won't help you hit the ball if you can't swing it in time...

Dear Useless Men, Do useless men buy lottery tickets? Question by The Oddly Useless Foundation of Ontario Dear Q by the OUF of Ont, Kudos on the hard to handle handle. Short answer? No. Long answer? Yes. We do not "buy" lottery tickets, but we do buy into the office lottery pool...

Dear Useless Men,Why do scuba divers always enter the water backwards?S.S.Dear Scuba Steve,Thanks for your question. Scuba diving is a fun underwater activity where participants must wear a tank of super tasty oxygen on their backs so that they can breathe while submerged...

Dear Useless Men,Why is road construction equipment always painted that sickly yellow color? Wouldn't road work get done faster if the heavy equipment they use were painted with color schemes like NASCAR uses?Speedway FrankDear Frank, Let’s be frank, Frank. You have a great idea here...

Dear Useless Men, It's never too early for proper preparation...

Dear Useless Men,Hi, I heard your music and wanted to invite you to start a free artist page on our site. IACmusic.com is an indie all-star site, it recently got mention in Rolling Stone, and has been called the most innovative music portal on the web...

Dear Useless Men,The recent letter about raisin bread toasting faster than white bread reminded me of my own toast mystery. Why is it that, whenever I toast Tandoori Nan, my kitchen fills with these strange, foreign smells...