
Will Franken believes in the healing power of meat. "Whether we are concerned about our relationships, our finances, or our meat," says the Dhali Loin, "Meat can unlock the door to our innermost stomach. . .With wars, conflicts, and knife-fights threatening our global stability, knocking out a fattened calf with a sledgehammer betw......een the eyes and slitting his throat can mean the difference between life and peace.

Will Franken is not speaking badly of other shows he's done this year, nor is he placing undue expectations on the upcoming shows he has in December; but last night's show at the Veteran's Hall in downtown Santa Cruz was the best show of 2009.

Will Franken performs tonight at the Vets Hall in beautiful Santa Cruz!

Will Franken Will Franken performs tomorrow night at the Vets Hall in Santa Cruz -- home of beach, ocean, "Lost Boys" movie, and roller costers. More information can be found at http://willfranken.com/ (for the show) or http://www.ci.santa-cruz.ca.us/ (for the city of Santa Cruz).
willfranken.com
Official website of highly-acclaimed comedian Will Franken, and home of his award-winning podcast, Things We Did Before Reality.

Will Franken is praying for Obama; Psalm 109:8

Will Franken has decided to put on 400 pounds, so when people ask him why he can't get a date, he can say, "I'm over 400 pounds." When they remind him that he also couldn't get a date before he was over 400 pounds, he can say: "I know. That was the problem. I couldn't find the reason. After two years, I had to erase the ambiguity b......efore I blew my fucking brains out. But now it's all settled. I'm over 400 pounds. Want some pasta?"

Will Franken has been depressed all day about a dream he had last night. He was in Purgatory and he had been there for 101 earth years. What made the dream especially frightening is that Will Franken actually believes in Purgatory.

Will Franken is going to tell Sadie to get some dark clothes and a knife and go with Tex to visit the people responsible for him being unable to post comments on Facebook. "Do whatever Tex tells you," he'll say, "and remember, if you love somebody, kill them. There's no death in love. Love means never having to say you're sorry for...... sticking a fork in the belly of a pregnant woman."

Will Franken play the Sacramento Comedy Spot tonight at 8pm.

Will Franken registered his wireless number at att.com and got a free ring tone for his efforts. He selected Judas Priest's "You Got Another Thing Coming" and has been waiting all fucking day for someone to call him.

Will Franken is going to be on Capitol Public Radio (an NPR affiliate) in Sacramento, circa 10:40 to 11:00 this morning; KXJZ 90.9 FM on your dial.

Will Franken said to the Socialist, "Wasn't that cool how those rescue workers were able to save the woman and baby from that overturned automobile?" "I guess," snorted the Socialist, "if you don't think about the profit motive that's involved." "Excuse me?" asked Will Franken. "Hello!!" said the Socialist, "They ARE getting paid!!......!" Will gave him a bitch-slap. And the world was Libertarian once again.

Will Franken wishes all those who have served--and are serving--our nation in uniform a happy Veterans' Day. He also hopes the United States Marine Corps had a happy 234th birthday yesterday. And may God Almighty, through His brave servants, continue to preserve our nation's sovereignty against all enemies; both foreign and, especially, domestic.

Will Franken would now like to demonstrate how much he analyzes things before consenting to act. He wants to loan a girl one of his C. S. Lewis books, but he wants to find the one that has the most underlined passages in it, so she can learn more about what Will Franken thinks about what C.S. Lewis thinks than what C.S. Lewis thinks. Sort of a deep shallowness, I suppose.











