My ex-husband also committed suicide 6.13.03. We have two beautiful daughters together. At the time they were 16 & 19 but the pain is and was still unbearable. We had been married for 13 years and divorced for 7 years and over time we became friends again. Debra I agree with your statement "....People don't understand it doesnt change the pain ... See Morebecause a court gave you a divorce. It is still your childrens father and someone you loved." Amy- you are NOT at fault and the guilt will eventually go away ~ it is part of the grieving process. I feel your pain! You are not alone!

Wow, I am amazed at how many there are of us. I am sitting here typing to you all while my daughter 13 1/2, his daughter, is making chocalate covered pretzels and her eyes have never looked the same since her daughter. Yes she has fun with friends, she gets straight A, beautiful, funny, a dream child, but the sadness is there everytime I look at ... See Moreher. She told me last week she wants her "old self" back. The self she was before her Dad died. Stab me in the heart...I tried to tell her that we all lost our old self and will become new but the new will feel different. Today, I had my pastor at church pray for me for God to take away my fear that one of children don't committ suicide to go be with their Dad when they feel like life is too hard. This fear I have eats me up inside and I need relief or I am going to go out of my mind.
Thanks Lisa and Kristin for sharing with Amy and I. We have added each other as friends....feel free if you would like. I would love too :)

Lisa...please add me if you like as your friend. I can't seem to add you. Thanks Deb

I too understand how you all feel. I lost my ex-husband to suicide 3/22/08 and was saddened by the lack of support I received from others due to the fact I was his ex. Our children were 13 and 17 at the time. I too suffered tremendous guilt afterwards. The one thing that helped me was I focused on healing my inner self and learning to love ... See Moremyself regardless of my circumstances. I hope you each find peace and can live with the memories your loved ones left you with instead of living with the guilt of his decision.

It's good to "talk" with you all. I tried a "grief group" with my health care plan, but it was too strange being with people talking about cancer and heart attacks and motorcycle accidents. I can't talk about this with anyone I know, so it's good to check in with you all. I'm working on it...holidays are of course more difficult. I working hard... See More at not escaping all the time. I can finally drive down the street where he lived, where I found him that day. It's only a few blocks away, but I used to avoid it, although it's the shortest route to my work. Now, I still get teary or angry sometimes as I go by, but I also can smile sometimes, remembering good things. My daughter lives out of town, and I, like you Debra, get so worried that a particular sadness might overcome her, and that's when I just hope and pray. Peace does visit me more often these days, as I hope it does all of you, too.