Have you ever wondered who those three assholes were over at the IHOP sitting there at any given time of the day sucking back unlimited soda pop and shooting spit-balls at each other thinking that they’re hilarious and cool?

Without Mercy is a female fronted generic slam riff band from Vancouver. Not only do they suck, they're also retards.

The masturbators of the war god Nile are back with their sixth full length studio effort, which sounds a lot like they're giving the war god a reach around.

The musical equivalent of a supernatural genocide in a mental hospital.

It felt good. Like a penis. A soft, but sturdy penis that felt warm to the touch. In Five Finger Death Punch's mind, they suddenly felt like they were surrounded by penises. They were all around them, flopping all around and slapping their face. It was as if they were in a redwood forest of penises.

As You Drown add the suffix core to the phrase Swedish Death Metal.

Michigan's The Black Dahlia Murder aren't the worst band in the metal scene today, but they're one of the more popular shitty bands around. I blame it on the children. Fucking kids these days...

Oh, how the mighty have fallen...

The Vile Conception is a well-performed collection of brutal death metal that has been a welcome addition to the Piledriver metal library. At the same time, it is not something that screams “play me” each time I turn on the stereo.

I discovered the music of Flayed Disciple courtesy of a Terrorizer sampler. Despite this, it's actually a lot better than you'd think.