The Book of Biff

I recently picked up a 6-pack of Seagram’s ginger ale at a Walgreens. I carried it home and plunked it down on the kitchen table while wincing at how the plastic bag had started to cut into my hand. It wasn’t until I roughly placed it onto the glass shelf in my refrigerator that I [...]

People don’t litter like they used to. At least around here when I was a kid there was always lots of trash on the side of the roads. I would walk to school and see the same empty soda can that I would flatten a little more each day. Now I can walk those same [...]

I have issues with my drawing arm and so I avoid any major stress to it. I’m right handed but I now open all doors with my left hand. I carry grocery bags in my left hand. I drive with just my left hand. It’s been about 5 years at this point and now my [...]

I seemed to have a lot of outdoor plastic toys that gradually became brittle. Things like sleds and pools and snow shovels. They would be fine the previous season but come next summer I would roll the kiddie pool out of the shed and it would just shatter. I guess it’s nice that it didn’t [...]

My fingernails always sneak up on me. I never look at them and think “Hmm, looks like I should trim these in a day or two.” It’s always “Whoa! I should have trimmed my nails a week ago! How did this happen? Did I eat some sort of magic nail food yesterday that made this [...]

When I was a kid would occasionally go out to eat at a slightly fancy restaurant. At the time it was uncommon for a place like that to have a kids menu but they would usually have a hamburger and fries stuck in the bottom corner. My little brother had to suffer through many mediocre [...]

I remember as a kid I was really confused when we would go to the grocery store and see bags of ice for sale. Ice was always something “free” from my perspective. Don’t other people have freezers? If they can’t make ice where sre they going to put it? Wont it all melt in their [...]

Make sure to bring a flashlight and a spare set of batteries. Maybe a music player of some sort to pass the time. Nose plugs wouldn’t be a bad idea either. Also, if you like Star Wars or Doctor Who, I have a whole bunch of books up on ebay you can see here!

This is why you should always use the restroom first before purchasing your tuna salad sandwich at the truck stop. Once that thing hits the floor it’s out of play. There’s no 5-second rule in effect. Game over. Also, if you like Star Wars or Doctor Who, I have a whole bunch of books up [...]

I remember when I was a kid I had some interesting understandings about the human body. For example I thought your belly was essentially like a water balloon filled with blood. If you punctured it with a knife all the blood in your body would gush out in a few seconds.

Back when such things were more difficult to come by I was very excited to find a 4×4 Rubick’s Cube on ebay and won the auction. When the box arrived I instantly knew something was wrong. It sounded like I was sent a box full of loose lego bricks. The box was poorly packed and [...]

I have an iron and an ironing board but I only need to use it once every few years. The simple task of ironing a single shirt takes hours because I have to remember where everything is. It’s also the kind of thing I wait until last minute to do so now I’m up until [...]