- Welsh, lives in spain (although I cant wait to leave), bass player, I love writing songs, or trying, and more, anything you want to know? ask.
- "From the moment I picked up your book until I laid it down, I was
convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it."
"I sent the club a wire stating, PLEASE ACCEPT MY RESIGNATION. I DON'T WANT TO BELONG TO ANY CLUB THAT WILL ACCEPT ME AS A MEMBER."
"I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an
"Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms."
"Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have
"Military justice is to justice what military music is to music."
"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it."
"If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large
deposit in my name in a Swiss bank.
"It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there
when it happens."
"Why are our days numbered and not, say, lettered?"
"If it turns out that there is a God, I don't think that he's evil. But
the worst that you can say about him is that basically he's an
"Not only is there no God, but try getting a plumber on weekends."
"More than any other time in history, mankind faces a crossroads. One
path leads to despair and utter hopelessness. The other, to total
extinction. Let us pray we have the wisdom to choose correctly."
"On the plus side, death is one of the few things that can be done just
as easily lying down."
"Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons."
"My one regret in life is that I am not someone else."
"I don't want to achieve immortality through my work... I want to
achieve it through not dying."
"How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?"
"I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam;
I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me."
"It is impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry
"It is impossible to travel faster than the speed of light, and certainly
not desirable, as one's hat keeps blowing off."
"It seemed the world was divided into good and bad people. The good ones slept better... while the bad ones seemed to enjoy the waking hours much more."
"Life is divided into the horrible and the miserable."
"There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an
evening with an insurance salesman?"
"What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I
definitely overpaid for my carpet."
"I'm astounded by people who want to 'know' the universe when it's hard
enough to find your way around Chinatown."
"I tended to place my wife under a pedestal."
"When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room."
"What if nothing exists and we're all in somebody's dream? Or what's
worse, what if only that fat guy in the third row exists?"
"Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it."
"To you I'm an atheist; to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition."
"Organized crime in America takes in over forty billion dollars a year
and spends very little on office supplies."
"Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering - and it's all over
much too soon."
"Eighty percent of success is showing up."
"Those who dream by day are cognizant of many things which escape those who dream only by night."
Edgar Allan Poe.
"It pays to be obvious, especially if you have a reputation for
"We hang the petty thieves and appoint the great ones to public
"I find it rather easy to portray a businessman. Being bland, rather cruel and incompetent comes naturally to me."
"I can't understand why people are frightened of new ideas. I'm
frightened of the old ones."
"Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the
roof and gets stuck."
"Weather forecast for tonight: dark."
"I'm not concerned about all hell breaking loose, but that a PART of
hell will break loose... it'll be much harder to detect."
"Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what
do freedom fighters fight? They never mention that part to us, do
"The world is indeed comic, but the joke is on mankind"