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  • Director Of TreasonJanuary 20, 2017 to presentWashington, District of Columbia
    There is so much treason it needs to be organized. I parcel the treason out to different workers within the Trump administration so we all get an equal share.
  • PreacherMarch 25, 2016 to present
  • Collection agentAugust 2014 to presentMexico City, Mexico
    I burn people with cigarettes until they pay the vig. If they don't I kill their families, their friends, people they did business with, even people who just talked to them once or twice.
  • BhagwanApril 2013 to present
    I lead a sex cult devoted to the spirituality of vodka and bacon.
  • Recruitment Manager1941 to presentWashington, District of Columbia
    In charge of making sure America's "heroes" are really working to undermine democratic values. Report directly to Jack Kirby.
  • Dead Hooker DispsalLas Vegas, Nevada
    Makes sure what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas. Or, for the right fee, any other town.
  • Campaign CoordinatorWashington, District of Columbia
    Coordinating the national campaign efforts of Theon Greyjoy during the GOP primary election campaign. Running get out the vote operations. Hiring staff. Burning children. Keeping candidate supplied with hookers and strap ons.
  • Satanic MagestyDetroit, Michigan
    I fight against goodness, corrupt souls and drink the blood of virgins.
  • Grifter/Killer/Arstonist/EnforcerBrussels, Belgium
    I get the job done.
  • Re-Education TeacherDecember 2013 to May 2014
    Waterboarding, torture, family killings, dropping people from F-14s until they or their family members understand the truth.
  • Destroyer of Souls2013 to 2014Detroit, Michigan
    I help The Dark One tear your soul apart.
  • Contract KillerJune 2012 to April 2013
    I'm helping convince vote counters that it would be the best interests of their family if Mr. Romney won the election.
  • PadawanJanuary 1955 to 2012
    I help train promising young recruits in the dark side of the Force and look for those with Sith potential.
Current City and Hometown
About Bart
  • Former journalist turned alcoholic gangster who spends his time supervising a massive criminal organization that makes its money through assassinations for hire, human trafficking, white slavery, gun running and hosting birthday parties for children.
Favorite Quotes
  • "As a writer you slant all evidence in favor of the conclusions you want to produce and you rarely tilt in favor of the truth..... This is what a writer does: his life is a maelstrom of lying. Embellishment is his focal point. This is what we do to please others. This is what we do in order to flee ourselves. A writer's physical life is bascically one of stasis, and to combat this constraint, an opposite world and another self have to be constructed daily... the half world of a writer's life encourages pain and drama, and defeat is good for art: if it was day we made it night, if it was love we made it hate, serenity becomes chaos, kindness became viciousness. God became the devil, a daugher became a whore... lying often leaked from my writing life."

    -- Brett Easton Ellis


Contact Information
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