A man walks into a bar with a giraffe. He has the giraffe sit down while he approaches the bartender. The bartender asks him, "what's that lying on the ground?" The man quickly responds "that's not a lion, that's a giraffe!"
There were these shoestrings that went to the bar for a drink. Outside the bar there was a sign posted that read "we don't serve shoestrings." They went on in anyway and found themselvs a seat. One shoestring says, "watch this, I'll get us a drink." He walks up to the bar and the bartender says, "we don't serve shoestrings. Didn't you read the sign out front?" Discouraged, the shoestring returns to his seat and tells his other shoestring friends what happened. Another shoestring says proudly, "watch this, I'll get us a drink!" and walks out of the bar. He pulls the cap off the top of his shoestring head and frays up his hair. He then ties himself in a knot and marches right back up to the bar. The bartender looks at him weird and says, "hey... aren't you one of them shoestrings?" The shoestring replies, "Nope, I'm afraid not."
There was a broccoli and an asparagus spear walking down the side walk. The asparagus got run over and the broccoli was so upset. He waited in the hospital waiting room to hear about his friend. The doctor came out and said, "about your asparagus friend, I've got good news and bad news. The good news is your friend is going to live. The bad news is he's going to be a vegetable!"