I was meditating just now and I was arriving at my usual “place”. It’s always this lush, verdant riverbank. I’m in white and when I get to that place I know I’m “locked in”. It’s where I can always hear the clearest.
I had tried everything. Smoking. Drinking. Smoking and drinking. My “in case of emergency” pill. Another. I cried. I screamed into a pillow. I writhed and wiggled about thrashing feverishly because nothing I did seem to ebb it one bit.