JEFF BROWN

The humanism bypass. I did it for years. I saw glimpses of someone’s potential, their beautiful soul, their loving heart, and told myself that this was who they truly were, ignoring all the rest. But the rest was what destroyed. The rest is where they lived most of the time. The rest was no illusion- it was them, too. This self-destructive pattern was birthed in two places: (1) my deep desire to see the best in my difficult parents. Not for them, but for me. I needed to belie...ve that there was something kind and caring living inside of them; (2) a misplaced projection from my own self-concept work. I held the belief in my own potential, as a way of overcoming the shame I carried. But I made the mistake of assuming that everyone else was just as eager to find their light. Of course we all have glowing potential. At the core, we are all magnificent beings with profound capacities. But how many of us fully actualize it? At this stage of human development, not so many. The trick is to hold the space for two things at once- a deep belief in everyone’s possibilities, and a deep regard for your own well-being. It’s okay to pray for everyone’s liberation without joining them in prison. Pray from outside the prison walls, while taking exquisite care of yourself. It's okay- you can't do the work for them anyway. Boundaries, boundaries, boundaries… don’t leave home without them.

Being a sensitive person can be a confusing, complicated thing in this still harsh world. It feels intuitively right to open, to feel, to enhearten our daily life, but the world is still vibrating at a more armored and edgy place. It is not yet attuned to the ways of the open heart. So what to do? We don’t want to deaden our capacity to feel, but if we feel too much, we get run over by an often heartless world. I have found my best answer in three places... Selective Attachme...nt: carefully discerning between positive and negative individuals and environments, and only attaching to those people and places that can hold our tender heart safe; Strong Energetic Boundaries: being physically and emotionally charged, so that we can more effectively repel unwelcome energies; Conscious Armoring: learning how to put on armor when necessary to manage the world and difficult situations, and, consciously removing it when it is no longer needed. If we cultivate these practices, we stand a much better chance of preserving our sensitivity. Once we lose it, we lose our connection to the moment altogether. Here’s to a sensitive way of being! What a courageous path. (~an excerpt from 'Spiritual Graffiti')

Polyamory (the path of many love(r)s) is a very popular path nowadays. Sometimes people aren’t ready to commit. Sometimes they don’t have the space or time to honor a singular connection. Sometimes they need a vaster range of experiences to inform their path. Sometimes they feel imprisoned in one area of their lives, and need freedom in another. And sometimes their sacred purpose is simply not centred around monogamous connection. It’s all perfect, when its something two love...rs choose. But if one chooses it, and the other doesn’t, it can be a living hell, particularly for the one who prefers monogamy. The hell isn’t the being left for other(s)- that’s something they can get over- but, instead, keeping their hearts open to a polyamorous partner. For someone who has formed a monogamous attachment, remaining in the bond can be traumatizing. This is happening more and more, as monogamists are being convinced by their poly lover that there is something wrong with them when they refuse to share. In these situations, ignore them come back to your own path, your own truth, your own knowing. There is nothing inherently wrong with either path, if its yours. The question is- which path is true for you? (~image by Patricia Dolloff)

Sharing more positive feedback from someone who downloaded my affordable ‘Sacred Feminine Rising’ Healing Course for women. 6 audio talks, and a 64 page exercise and meditation workbook, on a pay-what-you-can (From $89-) basis. From author Laura Beth Walker…

“I listened to Class One last night, and I have so much to say, I don’t know where to begin…I thought I’d wept out, screamed out, grieved out, worked out, lived out most of my pain and anger. I was wrong. I’ve read, studi...ed, listened, done process after process, done therapy, been “Abraham-ed,” Advaita-ed, Admonished, and Accused. I’ve been everything but fully Authentic…
Until this.
The “Sacred Feminine” course is remarkable. I can feel it already..
Thank you.”

You can connect from all kinds of places- energetic harmony, sexual alchemy, intellectual alignment- but they won’t sustain love over a lifetime. You need a thread that goes deeper, that moves below and beyond the shifting sands of compatibility. That thread is fascination- a genuine fascination with someone’s inner world, the way they organize reality, the way they hearticulate their feelings, the unfathomable and bottomless depths of their being. To hear their soul cry out ...to you again and again, and to never lose interest in what it is trying to convey. If there is that, then there will still be love when the body sickens, when the sexuality fades, when the perfection projection is long shattered. If there is that, you will swim in love’s waters until the very last breath.

While I appreciate the value of speaking our truths in relationship about what triggers us, I also recognize the value of expressing our gratitudes. This is particularly essential for those with an abundance of unresolved and easily projected childhood material. The narcissistic nature of early wounding can often leave us in a state of perpetual trigger, one where it can be difficult to move from compassion in our connection with loved ones. We share the negative stuff that c...omes up in the relationship, while forgetting to share our love, our respect, our deep regard for all that they overcome and offer on a daily basis. It has to be balanced, or defences will be erected and individual and relational progress will be stalled. In other words, for every bit of bratitude, offer an abundance of gratitude. We must never deny the beauty that someone brings.

One of the most important benefits of honoring relationship as a
spiritual path is that it reminds us that we can’t rise alone, that there is a perpetual linkage between ourselves and others. There’s no question that the patriarchal emphasis on individual spiritual path has contributed to selfishness and even destructive behavior—particularly in unawakened men, who see advancement as something that exists independent of their connection to anyone or anything outside themselve...s. We need accomplishment to become a relational construct; that is, we co-create together, with mutual benefit as our shared goal. I do know one thing with certainty—if my male brethren don’t de-armor their hearts soon, then much of the work that has been done by the divine feminine and awakening men to enhearten the culture will be lost. We must climb Heart Mountain together....

I am coming to believe that our healing is never totally complete, as we move closer to the center of our memories over time. When I was young, I wasn’t egoically strong enough to hold it all, but as I develop a healthier sense of self over time, I expand my capacity to really feel it and to heal it a little deeper. What seemed like a complete healing at age 30 is radically different from a healing at 50, as I surrender both to the wound material and to an awareness of how it... has lived itself out in other aspects of my life. Each wound is like a nexus for a whole host of patterns, defenses and adaptations that transform the closer we get to the core feelings. Healing is like a circle, one that often begins on the outside, an ever-deepening foray into the unresolveds, a wondrous opportunity to find new eyes time and again. Every time we touch a wound, we grow a little deeper in karmic stature.

It’s okay to not be ready for love. It’s okay to leave, if you can’t hold it safe. It’s okay to acknowledge that you need to take your focus elsewhere. You have to be true to your own path. You have to go where you will grow. You can’t be where you aren’t ready to be. But, one thing...please do it in the way that is most gentle. Do it in the way that is the most self-admitting. Do it in the way that you would want it done. It’s not the leaving of love that shatters hearts. It...’s the lack of explanation. the lack of accountability, the lack of closure. Leave in the way that you would want to be left- with dignity and a heartfelt respect for the one left behind. Let them know, truthfully and to the best of your understanding, why you have to leave. That step alone will transform your inner world. That step alone will support their healing. That step alone will prepare you to love, when the moment is right.

I know we often want it all happy and positive, but that’s just not where much of humanity is. Many of us are overwhelmed with pain, undigested sadness, unexpressed anger, unseen truths. This is where we are at, as a collective. So we have two choices. We can continue to pretend it’s not there, shame and shun it in ourselves and others, distract and detach whenever possible. Or we can face it heart-on, own it within ourselves, look for it in others with compassion, create a c...ulture that is focused on authenticity and healthy emotional release. If we continue to push it all down, we are both creating illness and delaying our collective expansion. But if we can just own the shadow, express it, release it, love each other through it, we can finally graduate from the School of Heart Knocks and begin to enjoy this magnificent life as we were intended. Pretending the pain isn’t there just embeds it further. Let’s illuminate it instead...

It’s hard to let someone go when we don’t know why they’re gone. It’s natural to want an explanation, an understanding, something that puts their leaving into perspective. It’s hard to move on when there is nothing but silence, or worse, a strangely formal way of relating, as though you made the whole thing up. But we can’t put our lives on hold, waiting for an answer that may never come. Maybe they will tell us one day, or maybe they will never understand it themselves. Thei...r reason isn’t that important. What is important is that we don’t abandon ourselves in the heart of loss. That we don’t make another’s presence more important than our own. That we don’t lock ourselves in a prison of our own making, waiting for an external liberator to set us free. If they have left, we have to leave, too. We have to let the pain through the holes they left behind so it can find its ultimate destination. Our precious life waits on no one... (~an excerpt from 'Spiritual Graffiti')

Blood is thicker than water. But its also more likely to clot and destroy. There are two ways to understand family. One is through the survivalist lens: family are the ones you were born to. You bond together through thick and thin. You endure each other. You have each other's backs. You don't fall too far from the tree. If necessary, you hold yourself back so as not to leave anyone behind. The other idea of family is through a more authentic lens: family are those that refle...ct where you are at on your journey. People of soulnificance, you bond together on the basis of shared resonance. You enjoy each other. You support each other in becoming all that you are meant to become, even it means that you have to separate. Two different ideas of family, two different worlds of possibility. Survive, or thrive. Cling together for dear life, or invite each other to truly LIVE...