Without further blib-blab, here is the list of the top ten reasons Amanda Knox won’t be returning to Italy for her murder trial.

Westlake Park-Today the Seattle Time’s publisher and suburbanista Frank “The Tank” Blethen joined the Chamber’s CEO Maud “Don’t-Give-Me-A-Goddam-Nickname” Daudon to annunce a new tourism campaign called, “Fuck Downtown 2013.” The heart of this plan is to undermine Mayor McGinn’s reelection efforts b...

Seatac, WA–While the dust cloud created by the rapid departure of the Seattle Sonics has long since settled, amazingly, two NBA players are still under contract: Vin Baker and Jim McIlvaine.

(City Hall)-In a press conference today, Mayor Mike McGinn promised that if re-elected, he would not be such a “dick,” in his second term. Bringing up past fights with the Mariner Moose, the Museum of History and Industry, and Council President Richard Conlin, he admitted his Irish temper could make...

Seattle, WA–The local job market has never been uglier. While Seattle possesses one of the lowest jobless rates in the nation, all the physically attractive job seekers have either been hired or have married a Microsoft executive.

Seattle, WA, Downtown–At his campaign headquarters, decorated with Italian marble, mayoral candidate Ed Murray announced he would auction off his last remaining body part not currently pledged to a corporation.

Aging, grunge-era rock stars and Amanda Knox will have to wait a little longer to buy grass-fed, Kobe beef and artisanal hand soaps in West Seattle.

Seattle, WA–As the Highway 99 tunnel machine begins boring its way through the rock, sludge and poopy underside of downtown Seattle, Seattle super villains say that the planned tunnel could destroy their secret underground lair.

Seattle, WA–A rare breed of flightless seagull, Laridae Obesus, weighing up to 40 lbs, was recently discovered downtown Seattle languishing on the waterfront.

Seattle, WA — The distressing news that Bauhaus Coffee and Books will be demolished this September, has many of its regular patrons feeling steamed and left with no choice but to triple their Xanax dosages.

Tacoma – Westboro Baptist Church members are reportedly upset about the negative publicity around their planned picket of the Powell boys funeral this Saturday. They certainly did not expect the local backlash when they announced that they would be disrupting the service with decorative posters and ...

A family of mushroom enthusiasts had to be rescued this weekend after an almost week long bad trip in an Oregon forest. Betsy and Dickey Boone, along with their adult son Abe and their pit bull Jonsey, had planned a quick trip off a logging road to search for some edible mushrooms. Rescuers found th...

(Minnesota) The Mayo Clinic alerted news outlets today that viewers of Puppy Bowl VIII, Animal Planet’s answer to the Super Bowl, should exercise extreme caution. Recent incidences have shown estrogen excreted through women’s pores watching the puppy frolicking match becomes airborne and can harm b...