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En mi último vídeo les hablo de la única cosa que entristece mi vida actualmente... Imposible no perder la compostura al hablar de eso.
To all friends, family, fans, supporters, and all in our great cosmic family that knew and loved José Andrés Blanco-
As many of you now know, my husband Jose An...dres Blanco died today. The most amazing person I’ve ever known and loved is gone. I know many of you are sharing tears with me learning of this, but I am traumatized and in a mental state I have never been. I don’t quite know how to express the pain, heartache, unimaginable loss, sorrow, tears and anger I have and what this means and feels like. The cascade of debilitating emotions is so overwhelming, and it just keeps coming. There are no words to describe this. Depression, defeat, denial, outrage, and a realm of sadness I have never, ever known. I feel like I just died with him, but I am still here which feels so much worse. There is no escaping this pain. Even when you know it’s coming and you think you’re prepared, there is nothing that can prepare you for this. When death arrives and the tremendous amount of suffering from the physical pain is over, after such a long hard battle watching someone you love so much suffer so greatly, you might think there may be some sort of sense of relief that the suffering is finally over - but I’m sorry to tell you that that previous pain is immediately replaced with a different kind of much, much worse pain- the pain of your heart shattered in a million pieces on the floor while you cry hysterically and try to make sense of it all.
We have lived in a cancer nightmare for the past three years and he fought like you wouldn’t believe. In all of his suffering and painful treatments, he never lost his joy, kindness and spirit and he touched the lives of so many people everywhere he went - not just through music, design and art, but especially in the countless days spent at the hospital, at the chemo infusion center, in the ER… Everywhere we ever went, people instantly felt and fell in love with his spirit. His team of doctors and nurses kept saying- “Andrew, I am in awe of you. YOU are the one teaching us so much in all of this and we’ve never met anyone like you. We love you and we are here for you. It is an honor for us if you let us take care of you in this” They broke rules for him, they brought him gifts all the time, they provided all sorts of “extras” that weren’t protocol, they pulled out all the secret tricks they had to make him more comfortable and they did so gladly, because Andrew made them all feel special and extra appreciated. He would say to the nurses - “Thank you so, so much! Love you dear, you’re the best!” And he would tell all the nurses and doctors- whenever I would arrive - “That is my queen! The queen is here! Yes! Let me introduce you to my wife, she’s the best! She’s my everything, you have to see what she does for me! I’m so lucky but I drive her crazy, I’m so glad you guys can help us so I can give her a break…” And I would say “Yes my King! I am here for you! I don’t need a break, I am always here for you! What does my king need today?” I’ve been with him and in awe of him for 19 years and I just can’t tell you what it meant to be his queen and treat him like the King he was and always will be. He was an amazing warrior as we marched into the face of impending doom with all the hope in the world. Nobody, even the more experienced in this, has ever seen anything like it.
Right now, in a hospital that sees people die everyday, all of them are crying with us for Andrew. Every one of them that has helped us through this journey and spent time with us on the many hospitalizations Andrew had to endure, can’t get over how much he affected all of them -they kept saying what an honor it was to care for him. The nurses would actually fight over who got to take care of Andrew and be with us in his room. His effect on everyone around him was so amazing, just to be in his presence was so fun, so sincere, so creative and inspiring, just pure heart and pure love. And now he is gone. The void that is left can never be filled by anything else. If you were lucky enough to know him, you know even that is an understatement. He was that special. To try to put it into words seems silly, vulgar even. All words are an understatement right now that does not do it justice.
There are no words or enough tears that can communicate the vastness of this loss in my life. He promised his spirit would guide me. I really hope that’s true because I am already so lost without him and this day isn’t even over yet. I don’t want to imagine this world and this life without Andrew. But deep down, I do know his spirit and legacy will live on. He left us all with a lot of his soul and spirit in everything he made and did. But it will never be the same.
And in all this pain and torture that I will never fully recover from, all this tremendous pain that nobody can soothe or comfort, the one thought I hold onto is… Do you know how fucking lucky I am? How lucky I was to be loved by Andrew? That out of all the people in this world, and all the infinite possibilities and choices, we found each other. And when we did, we held on tight and we never let go. The honor it is to be with someone who you love so completely with all of your heart, that you just hand it to them - here is my heart. And they give you their heart in return. And we hold each others hearts in the most risky equation that if they don’t take good loving care of it, you will die. The trust that goes into that, some people think it’s crazy and irresponsible. But for those of us lucky enough to ever experience real, authentic true love, that is what it takes. And when it happens, you do it so gladly, you look like a fool to sane people. I would literally rip my heart out of my chest for Andrew if it would save him. But it can’t and it won’t. It doesn’t work like that. The real power is all love and it’s supremely spiritual. Logic and reason and physicality do not rule this special domain. Only love does. And it takes all you’ve got to do it right, or you don’t do it at all. That’s the deal. So when the person holding your heart with care is sick, then you are sick. When that person has a wonderful day and shares it with you, your heart fills up with more love, and when that person dies, they take your heart that they were holding with them. And now you have to figure out how to live without it. It seems impossible. And even if it is possible, who would volunteer for that? I did. And you do it because life would mean nothing without it.
Right now - I want to say a lot of grand and profound words for Andrew and on his behalf to all of you because I knew what he wanted to say- and all that I can say is…thank you - thank you all so very much for all your prayers, thoughts, tears, kind words and support through all of this - you have no idea how much it means - I made sure Andrew was treated like a King, and it’s thanks to all of you and your prayers and financial support that I was able to do that.… My love sincerely goes out to all of you… Andrew loved you all dearly. Whenever he shared his work or thoughts or anything with all of you and he felt your love and validation, it’s what made it all worth it and made life make sense. He got so much joy out of sharing his talent and pure love, it was an obsession that gave him so much happiness and joy.
I’d love for all of you to share stories of how Andrew may have touched your life. His presence was so uplifting that I am dragged down in the deepest depths of sadness right now and it’s hard to feel anything but that. Please share your stories so we can remember him in all his amazing love, glory, and creativity and give justice to this horrible, horrible injustice that he has endured. FUCK CANCER. Love is stronger than you cancer - you can mess with our physicality but you can NEVER take the love and spirit that drives it. Our bodies may give up, but our spirits get stronger, and we will never let cancer have our spirit and all the love we have shared and hold onto. We will never give that up.
I have so much more to say and will let you all know our plans to invite you to celebrate Andrew’s life in a memorial service, but right now I’m holding Andrew’s heart with my spirit and it requires care, thought and processing of what has happened today. It’s the worst day of my life so far and I know it’s surely going to get worse in the days to come. He’s also still holding my heart with him and I’m not sure what to do right now.
I’d like to say one more thing for now - PLEASE, right now, I don’t care what time it is or what you may be doing - RIGHT NOW grab the one you love and hold them tight with all your power and GIVE ALL OF YOURSELF to them - There is no time for half-assed love or mediocre relationships that will not be there when shit goes down- Andrew always had my back and I ALWAYS, no matter what, had his - and I just wish for everybody to have that - believe me, you’re going to need it. We all need each other to get through this and none of us will survive. Life itself is a terminal condition. The truth is, we’re all right behind Andrew on this journey and destined for the same final fate. Andrew just left on a earlier flight. I keep thinking we’re all taking a trip and Andrew had to leave early for soundcheck is all. We’ll meet him there. And when we do, he’s gonna have the next leg of the tour all setup and rocking from that side. There’s a party in heaven for him right now as God welcomes his amazing spirit home, and we’re all invited to the party, but there’s no rush to get there. It’s an eternal one and waiting for all of us. And if Andrew is there, you all know it just became an even more amazing place to be.
I love you with all of my heart my KING.
Muchas felicidades Almudenas 🎉
Hoy en Madrid estamos de fiesta por el Día de de la Almudena, patrona de la ciudad.
“Arabistas e historiadores especializados coinciden en que el nombre procede... de la palabra "al-mudayna", el antiguo recinto militar amurallado que ocupaba la colina donde hoy se asientan la Catedral y el Palacio Real de Madrid.
Según la tradición, la imagen de Santa María de la Real de la Almudena, que anteriormente había sido denominada como "Santa María la Mayor", fue encontrada en el año 1085 durante la conquista de la ciudad de Madrid por el rey Alfonso VI de León en uno de los cubos o torreones adosados a la dicha muralla árabe, cerca de la Puerta de la Vega.” Vía Wikipedia.
Muchas felicidades a los madrileños y Almudenas en vuestro día 🎉