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                        "text": "Darian reviewed his checklist.  \"Melt polar icecaps, check.  Increase desertification, check.\"  His eyes narrowed on the third item, \"find two humans to repopulate after catastrophe.\"\n\nHe didn't know any humans.  Darian recalled what his counterpart in charge of global cooling, Falsum Nuntium had told him; any two humans are equally mortal.\n\nDarian scanned his eyes over the landscape, looking for two humans to catch his attention.  A smile crossed his face as he thought to himself, \"Get two humans for repopulation, check.  List complete.\"\n\nLance and his brother Chad were walking into an Applebee's, when they felt a tremendous force pulling them upward.  They both let out high pitched shrieks of alarm as they flailed helplessly against the unknown force sweeping them away.  After the initial shock passed, Lance glanced around, and yelled, \"Dude!  Your boy's 'shrooms are like nothing I've had!  It feels like I'm flying!  For real!\"\n\nChad shouted back, \"I didn't take mine yet, we are flying!\"\n\n\"There's no need to shout, there's not that much wind,\" retorted Darian, making himself visible to the two brothers.  Another period of shrieking, a semi-audible sigh from Darian accompanied with a silent inner prayer for patience, with the two humans he'd whisked away, once more trying to free themselves from his hold.  Why God cared for these feeble creatures, he couldn't understand.  Any rational being without wings would understand a fall from that height to be fatal, yet these two continued to struggle.  Failing to receive the prayed for patience, the little he had evaporated, and he shook the two, shouting, \"ENOUGH!\"  Lance and Chad settled down.  Darian hoped he hadn't damaged them beyond the ability to procreate, he didn't want to have to repeat his third task.\n\nThe angel's admonition of the two of them, coupled with the sobering altitude, meant Lance and Chad spent the rest of the flight mostly in silence, save for the occasional whimper.  The time seemed to go on where they felt this would be how their lives would now be spent, when they were deposited by a shining gate atop the clouds.  \n\n\"I have returned, my Lord,\" Darian announced.  \"The three tasks you gave me are complete.\"\n\n\"WHAT IS THIS?\"  boomed a voice from all around them.  \"YOU HAVE BROUGHT ME TWO MALES, AND BROTHERS AT THAT.\"\n\n\"Falsum Nuntium said humans are all alike,\"  Darian responded, afraid he'd be incurring God's wrath soon.\n\n\"I THOUGHT I TOLD YOU NOT TO BELIEVE WHAT FALSIUM NUNTIUM SAYS.  THERE'S A REASON HE'S RESPONSIBLE FOR GLOBAL COOLING.\"\n\n\"Yes my Lord,\" Darian quickly answered, glad to be out of God's crosshairs.  \"If you like, I'll get two more humans for you,\" he added, jumping at the chance to put himself back in good graces.\n\n\"NO, THE CHANGES ARE ALREADY UNDERWAY, YOU DON'T HAVE TIME.  I'LL MAKE THIS WORK SOMEHOW. \nI WAS GOING TO HAVE SOME INBREEDING INVOLVED IN THIS AT SOME POINT ANYWAY, MAY AS WELL BE AT THE START.  LANCE, CHAD, ONE OF YOU WILL NEED TO BE ABLE TO GIVE BIRTH.  DECIDE AMONGST YOURSELVES WHO'S GOING TO BE THE FEMALE.\"\n\n\"Who's talking, and what do you mean female?\"  Lance asked, still tripping a little from the mushrooms, not understanding their predicament.\n\nGod, not being one accustomed to being spoken to in this manner, announced, \"THE DECISION HAS BEEN MADE.\"\n\nLance let out a yelp, and a sound, not unlike a latex balloon being stretched was heard, as Lance's physiology was converted.\n\nThus ends the book of Genesis, the new, new version.",
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