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Favorite Quotes
  • Overload of "that's what she said" moments, witty quips, and things that probably shouldn't have been said but were.

    "She was really weird. I could feel it when I walked up."
    Caitie Solomon

    me: "How much is the salad bar?"
    Caitie: "Worth it."

    Brittani: "Did she fart? Or did you fart? I smell a dog fart."
    Sydney: "Oh, so you thought I farted a dog fart?"

    "I hate when I get alcoholic beverages on my phone 'cause then it's like... evidence."
    Brittani Poindexter

    "Let's just go back to your house and brush each other's hair."
    Brittani Poindexter

    me: "I double dipped."
    Brittani: "I've seen your boob. It's fine."

    "Free manure? Thank God! I didn't wanna pay for shit!"
    Lisa Musinski

    me: "Why did Adam Levine dye his hair?! He looks dumb!"
    mom: "Yeah, I agree. He looks like Miley Cyrus."

    "Guys, I married a vampire."
    Brittani Poindexter

    me: "She's marking her territory."
    Kaylyn: "She just peed all over the seat."

    "My boyfriend found out that I think his dad is attractive."
    Courtney Poindexter

    "Why don't you like cats? Were you abused?"
    Haley Snodderly

    "My level of drunkness right now is probably a seven."
    Haley Snodderly

    me: "Did you get really drunk last night?"
    Libby: "Not really drunk, I just drank a lot and there were a lot of shots involved."

    "Okay, so there was A LOT of poo."
    Libby Schlosser

    "I wish I could fly. I feel like that'd be really fun. Except you'd be taken in by the government for testing."
    Joey Pennington

    me: "My dress is poop brown."
    Vivian: "You're the biggest relief in this room."

    "Where have you been, sombrero? Tell me your stories."
    Kayla Seabridge

    "That's something I consider exit only and don't feel the need to use it as a mouth."
    Alyssa Hard

    "Dads don't wanna smell good, they're just livin' life."
    Joey Pennington

    Sarina: "I have this friend and no guy ever wanted to eat her out."
    Emma: "That's tragic... she needs to get checked out."

    "It just got really hot in here. Maybe it's 'cause I was talking about Tinder."
    Emma Hoffman

    "I lost my drive after I went pee."
    Gale Paige

    "Guys, there's a lot of roads less traveled in this path."
    Maya Larson

    "You're gonna have a revelation about your own body after drinking the tea. Like, 'I didn't realize I could shit like that.'"
    Kayla Seabridge

    "I'm really bad about answering texts but if I'm responding a lot it's usually because I'm either in bed or on the toilet."
    Kayla Seabridge

    "You guys are welcome to try this tea, I just put my initials on it because Joanna has the same one. Then I wrote 'poo poo poo poo poo.'"
    Kayla Seabrige

    "I just hit you in the face with my teabag. I just teabagged you!"
    Kayla Seabridge

    Sydney: "He kissed me on the cheek and I broke up with him."
    Caitie: "Hahah 'he thought I was a whore... too much too soon.'"

    "They should make a tinder for friends. Like, to find good friends."
    Brittani Poindexter

    "I hate taking the last banana. Because bananas are sacred."
    Brittani Poindexter

    "I wanna get my wisdom teeth out just so I can be drugged up."
    Brittani Poindexter

    "You look like a gremlin. I don't even know what a gremlin looks like, it just sounded gross."
    Sydney Stotka

    Sydney: "There's a hair in my drink."
    me: "I put it there."
    Ryley: "She wants to be inside you."

    me: "Ew, so the other night I was was watching tv -"
    Sydney: "And you farted and it smelled really bad? Yeah, I've done that too."

    "And also, a mustache is just an eyebrow for your mouth. And that thought bothers me."
    Kayla Seabridge

    "So I saw in Ulta this Asian man shopping for makeup. For himself. He was wearing blue eyeshadow. And he was wearing Uggs."
    Brittani Poindexter

    me: "I bet something will come out of here if I squeeze it."
    Kayla: "That's like, a bad thing to live by."

    "I dyed my hair darker, I think it suits my personality more. Not friendly."
    Olivia Lukanuski

    "You know how famous she is now? Like, she could get liposuction."
    Joanna Dreiling

    "I think my third wish would be that people would just break out into song."
    Joey Pennington

    "I feel like if you were a video game character you would be a pilferer of change. Bailey the Change Troll."
    Joey Pennington

    Drew: "She has the perfect jaw line for the perfect blow job."
    Steven: "Her jaw line to penis ratio is perfect."

    "I really wish Demi would get outta my bathroom 'cause I kinda have to shit."
    Tara Rotante

    "You know who wrote me a song? No one."
    Molly Denman

    "I had a dream that my parents bought me a pony and I was really pissed when I woke up and didn't have one."
    Molly Denman

    "I have to make a joke out of it because I find it really strange. It's like my coping mechanism."
    Kayla Seabridge

    "I wanna like, dive into this dip and live in it."
    Molly Denman

    "Oh, I forgot that I had these mashed potatoes! I should not have mashed potatoes..."
    Joanna Dreiling

    "Do you know what the move is? You know what the move is? Dress socks. Dress socks are the move."
    Devin Byrne

    "I base all of my social interactions off whether or not I'll give the person a hand jibber."
    Devin Byrne

    "I don't wanna get married I just want a wedding."
    Molly Denman

    "If I don't give a shit about you, I'm not keeping your secrets."
    Molly Denman

    "I think she's just ravenous because she's on her period."
    Molly Denman

    Tara: "That creepy little hobbit girl that always asked if she looked good."
    Trey: "I was just like 'I mean, your boobs are out...'"

    "You know when you're crying and you look in the mirror and cry harder?"
    Tara Rotante

    "I pretended to be asleep."
    Molly Denman

    Devin: "My nose is a little stuffed up."
    me: "Masturbate."
    Devin: "Does that work?"
    me: "I'm pretty sure sex does... I'm not having sex with you."
    Devin: "Well you're just a bad friend then."

    Devin: "So this super disgusting whale tried to come into our party tonight."
    me: "Like a girl?"
    Devin: "No, I think she was actually a whale."

    "I don't have morals, I just don't want to go to jail. I'm street smart."
    Mimi Nguyen

    "Life's too short, eat raw dough."
    Joanna Dreiling

    "Crying and eating. There's no dignified way to do both at the same time though. Found that out the hard way."
    Devin Byrne

    "Relationship weight. It's like being pregnant without the baby."
    Devin Byrne

    Sydney: "I keep checking my phone because I'm used to it being on silent."
    me: "I keep checking mine too because I think I have friends."

    "I like to be unwrapped like a present. Because that's what I am."
    Nayan Mainkar

    "Are you just being retarded? Or are you checking to see if I'm retarded?"
    Tammy Stotka

    "She looks like my friend's retarded daughter."
    Tammy Stotka

    "I could've been drunk and sober by now."
    Brittani Poindexter

    "My thong is curled over because a hair is like, wrapped around it and it's up my butt..."
    Sydney Stotka

    me: (trips)
    Brittani: "There's ground there."

    "If Thanksgiving is your left leg and Christmas is your right leg, may you always have visitors between the holidays."
    Pianist at Bobby McKey's

    Sydney: "Pecans are shaped weird."
    mom: "Like vaginas."

    Myra: "Does anyone want a drink?"
    Brittani: "Does a bear shit in the woods?"

    "How many times are you going to say 'shout out to the cat'?"
    Brittani Poindexter

    "Studying is for next semester. It's already too late for me."
    Briana West

    "I taught Quinton's dog how to sit. I'm gonna teach it how to not sit anymore."
    Briana West

    "I remember this one time in kindergarten you got gum stuck in your hair and mom had to cut it all off so for a week a threw up every time I saw you because you scared the shit out of me."
    Andrea Santora

    "You know how the camera puts on 15lbs? Well mine puts on 15lbs of ugly."
    Lily Bogumil

    "I like the guy with the bagpipes. Dibs."
    Nicolette Santora

    "We're pretty good friends, it's acceptable to know her waist to ass ratio."
    Olivia Lukanuski

    "Who eats lollipops these days? Only baby prostitutes."
    Nayan Mainkar

    "He's 6'3. Like, hi. I wanna climb you."
    Mara DeRose

    "I thought this said 'food swag' but it says 'too swag.' That's when you know you have a problem."
    Brittani Poindexter

    Sydney: "I took so many poops my butthole feels like it burst."
    me: "I wish I took so many poops."
    Sydney: "No, they were really uncomfortable poops."

    "Don't make me laugh I need to wear these pants more than once."
    Tammy Stotka

    "Oh, we have 53 mutual friends? Means she wants to date me."
    Devin Byrne

    "I like to be the big spoon. I crawl up really high. It makes me feel like a jet pack. Or a baby panda."
    Kayla Seabridge

    "I don't know what I hate more: boners or nonboners."
    Kayla Seabridge

    "My mom tells me I'm too mean with my words."
    Maria Busch

    "Someone smashed a watermelon in the parking lot. Like, who has a watermelon in November?"
    Kayla Seabridge

    "We're at college. We don't wear underwear."
    Jackie Van Dao

    Jess: "I cry all the time. It's better if you just let it out."
    Jackie: "It's like farting."

    "I wanna be a banana for Halloween. Everything you do as a banana is funny."
    Joey Pennington

    "I feel like I'm slightly a vortex."
    Ashley Gibson

    "I'd rather be kicked in the balls than have my nose broken. I lied, I'd rather have my nose broken. Free nose job!"
    Joey Pennington

    "Don't entice him with your crotch strings!"
    Nayan Mainkar

    "Her tongue makes me super uncomfortable. There are very few things that make me uncomfortable... her tongue is one of them."
    Hannah Levy

    "I did swim team and they put me in the lane with the mentally challenged kids. It's chill."
    Talia Levinas

    "We were walking home and there were so many cops out with their lights flashing. Like, go home. Be with your families."
    Alexa Oswald

    me: "I don't wanna start my period..."
    Joey: "We could fix that right now!"

    "I'll just be your bra for Halloween."
    Joey Pennington

    "Baby, how I cuter than you? I prep all morning! Baby you cuter than the croutons."
    Joey Pennington

    "She's wearing a beanie? She's so emotional."
    Talia Levinas

    me: "How do I even eat this?"
    Rachel: "Face plant into it."

    "I wanna name my babies Effy. All of them."
    Kayla Seabridge

    "I remembered why I was so happy when I woke up. I dreamt I could grow facial hair. But now I'm sad because I can't."
    Joey Pennington

    "Stefan has my heart, but Damon has my loins."
    Mimi Nguyen

    "I'm sad, I thought that was our food... It's like a dagger to the heart when they trick you like that."
    Brittani Poindexter

    Bobby: "Sorry, Joe, you came at the butt end of that conversation."
    Joey: "I love coming at the butt end."

    me: "If you win a bunch of money you can buy me something sparkly!"
    Joey: "A burrito with glitter on it!"

    "I wish there was a restaurant where you cuddle, then get your food, and then you get to cuddle again"
    Joey Pennington

    Nick: "Strip clubs are not fun. I walked in & it smelled like broken dreams & daddy issues."
    Shifty: "Well, that's what I'm into, so..."

    Shifty: "That's the best part. Now they can't show up and pee on everything."

    "I was trying to pull myself up but then my pants were around my ankles and I figured I should just let go."
    Brittani Poindexter

    me: "A happy wife equals a happy life."
    Joey: "Happy Joe equals a happy hoe."

    "I'm not ghost white anymore. Now I'm just ginger white. I went up a level."
    Joey Pennington

    "I was worried when you left for school thinking that you'd make new frinds and forget about me, but then you never made friends and I thought 'I'm okay'."
    Brittani Poindexter

    "I'm making quesadillas. Okay-sadilla?"
    Tammy Stotka

    "I just want to move without moving."
    Brittani Poindexter

    Caitie: "Oh, who is that? He's hot."
    me: "He has a 'What Would Jesus Do' bracelet."
    Caitie: "Soon it's gonna be 'What Would Caitie Do'."

    Tierney: "Why does Adam Levine's voice keep getting higher in every new song?"
    mom: "Someone is squeezing his nuts."

    "Seriously, don't ask her about the poop."
    Gil Negrete

    "Seriously, I will pee in your ear if you don't knock it off."
    Gil Negrete

    "I'd hate to be a kiosk salesperson because you have to annoy everyone."
    Brittani Poindexter

    "Wednesdays are my specifically non-shoe days."
    Grant Turner

    "I thought it was his tube sock. Nope, it was his bone... leaving his body."
    Lukas Widhalm

    "She looks like she rolled around in doritos yo. That bitch is orange."
    Mimi Nguyen

    "I had a dream the other night that I drove a sofa. Me and my sister drove a sofa to the club."
    Aris Johnson

    "In my dream this girl told me I was a douche bag but that I had a five-minute wiener."
    Devin Byrne

    "He was my twin but he was really depressing. Like every two months his dad would die."
    Jason Parent

    "You had me at 'I'll swipe you'."
    Brandon Gilley

    "I'll help you eat tasty food any time. I'm putting that in my wedding vows. You can't take it now."
    Joey Pennington

    me: "It's gross when my cats lick each others buttholes."
    Joey: "Apparently that's a sign of affection... more like cats like the taste of butt."

    "Getting backhanded hurts way more than getting punched. It doesn't hurt your body as much as it hurts your self esteem."
    Adrian Rivas

    "Damn, you shifted my cake."
    Sam White

    "You've clearly never had a penis."
    Joey Pennington

    "I remember when I first got glasses... everything became HD."
    Ryley Stotka

    "My mom's hobby is buying things from Ikea that don't fit and then returning them. And she doesn't believe the Cold War existed."
    Jake Chambers

    "In your heart is a good face but on your face is not a good face."
    James Avery

    "My mom told me to never wear my heart on my sleeve, so I made a patch and put it on my ass."
    Glenda Etheridge

    "I think I look half retarded."
    Sydney Stotka

    "Ugh I feel bad saying that, but it's also giving me a boner at the same time."

    "There's no sense in nonsense, especially when the heat's hot."
    Safety Not Guaranteed

    "I like your scarf. It happens well on you."
    Matt Petrassi

    me: "I'm giving up juice as my New Year's resolution."
    Brittani: "You might as well try to give up pooping. Never going to happen."

    "An old man just stopped in the middle of the street to tell me to pull my shirt up because he confused me with a 'streetwalker'. I can't do anything right today."
    Catie Martin

    "I'm probably on some weird porn site like 'Redheads in Purple' or something."
    Christine Knisely

    Christine: "She got grounded for two weeks for wearing deodorant."
    me: "Why?"
    Christine: "Because she's seven and it causes Cancer."

    "She has onion pits and she plays hard."
    Christine Knisely

    "Well, if I didn't have a nose I'd just be like 'I'm never gonna get laid so it doesn't even matter. Might as well pretend to be a dark wizard.'"
    Sam Stack

    "I don't want half a cheek on it."
    Ryley Stotka

    "That's the best part, I plan on never having oral sex... but seriously I like pineapples."

    "I think there's cat ghosts here and I keep hearing their little cat ghost sneezes."
    Sam Stack

    "My dad took my beer and said 'because Bailey can't drink, you shouldn't be able to either'. Then gave my beer to my little brother."
    Sam Stack

    me: "I want a frickin' iPhone!"
    Grandma: "They don't sell a 'frickin' iPhone'."

    me: "She's working at the drive-thru window."
    Ryley: "She didn't amount to much."

    "I'm going to escape the friend zone, then right a book 'How to Escape the Friend Zone' and I will make millions of dollars and we can live happily ever after."
    Sam Stack

    me: "He told me that when he woke up, I was snoring and twitching. I told him that was embarrassing and he said he thought it was cute. I wasn't worried about people waking up before me until now."
    Brittani: "Yeah, when I wake up before you, all I do is make fun of you."

    me: "I ordered a cute necklace with my initial on it. I'm excited."
    Sam: "Oooh are you giving it to me for my birthday?"
    me: "A necklace with a 'B' on it? Don't think so."
    Sam: "You give it to me and say '"B" because you're my bitch.'"

    "I actually said to Ty 'she tells me she wants a burrito everyday so I'm gonna nickname my wiener "Burrito" and give it to her everyday.'"
    Sam Stack

    me: "We're having a picnic at Monroe Park in the Spring."
    Sam: "Ok, but only if it's old school with a checkered blanket and a little basket and ants carrying our pie away while we're not looking."

    me: "Do you have bagels?"
    Sam: "They're not my bagels. You know The Lion King? Everything the light touches is not mine."

    "I'm watching Family guy and Chris is reading Meg's diary and it said 'still no sign of that tampon from last week, but the headaches are getting worse.' It reminded me of you."
    Sam Stack

    "BROKEN CONDOM STYLE!!! Ayyyyyyyyyy!!!!!!!! That's your baby!! Nope! Nope! Nope! Nope! Nope!"
    Taylor Thornton

    "She wouldn't have sex with me because I didn't have spaghetti-o's."
    Sam Stack

    Grace: "How do I nonchalantly say I want to have sex tonight because I'm about to start my period?"
    Robin: "I strongly suggest you put it in tonight."

    "Good, wouldn't want anyone criticizing your overalls' crotch ratio."
    Sam Stack

    "I have a problem. I heard a news story the other day that small boobs are back in style."
    Catie Martin

    "You know your body is finished when you pee again."
    Brittani Poindexter

    "Just because I'm gay doesn't mean my tits don't matter."
    Kalvin Cornwell

    Brittani: "The one thing I miss about being single is not having to shave during the winter."
    me: "And it's the best way to avoid one-night stands."
    Brittani: "Or rape. It's like, (pulls up pant leg) 'do you really wanna mess with this?'"

    "He's too good looking, he must be a vampire. I don't know his name or else we could Facebook creep. I've been trying to learn it forever. Clearly he's a creature of the night."
    Stephanie Stotka

    me: "Five feet and two inches of pure evil."
    Joey: "And the butt of a goddess."

    me: "Do you think it's bad to put that on Facebook? I said 'Jesus Christ'."
    Brittani: "No one will know WHO said it... (whispers) it could have been your mother..."

    me: (After sneezing eight times in a row) "Jesus Christ!"
    Brittani: "Sneezus Christ is more like it."

    me: "I'm gonna wear white jeans. Come at your own risk."
    Austin: "Haha if you wear white jeans, invite at your own risk."

    "We attempted to watch it so many times but we got bored and had sex."
    Katie LaClair

    JC: "Easter: Jesus is back... with a vengeance."
    me: "That sounds like a movie title. You should talk to some people about that."
    JC: "I am. Jesus comes back with a light saber to defeat the Nazis."
    me: "Your vision is so much better than mine was. Light sabers > machine guns any day."

    "He doesn't have long legs - he has short arms, short legs, and a long torsal."
    Tierney Stotka

    me: "I can't believe you laughed at that, Meaghan."
    Meaghan: "It was just really corny."
    Sydney: "Like my poop."

    "Yesss super boobie cover time."
    Joey Pennington

    "I would wake up with my fly down."
    Joey Pennington

    "I want to like him but I fully can't."
    Joey Pennington

    "I trade warmth for back rubs."
    Joey Pennington

    me: "Stop playing with it!"
    Joey: "That's not playing! That's maintenance!"

    me: "Why are bras so expensive?!"
    Brittani: "Cause they do a lot of work. They need to get paid."

    Joey: "Haha I feel like my mind treated your butt as your vagina."
    me: "Your mind needs to not do that."

    "Your lipgloss brings out your face."
    Sydney Stotka

    me: "I like to torture you."
    Joey: "You do. You like to make me feel uncomfortable."

    "I love Pictionary... you guys are such losers!"
    Caroline Royal

    "Last time I attacked him I lasted longer. He didn't know what to do."
    Stephanie Stotka

    me: "They have one of those in like, every Chipotle."
    Dan: "Indian god blowing on a bar of soap?"

    "Seriously, don't guys know that girls like jewelry? Like, that's what we want. And how many times do we have to say it?"
    Stephanie Stotka

    me: "Who is that?"
    Ryley: "Who do you think? It's Voldemort. Didn't you see the nose? Well, not nose. Slits."

    "Sweetie, I try really hard not to call you a dumbass, but you do really fucking stupid things."

    "I can't grind and pray at the same time. That's naughty."
    Brittani Poindexter

    me: "Joey is in love with you. I swear he'd cheat on me with you. Not really."
    Lily: "In spirit. Our souls are fucking."

    "I really hope this works out and I'm not left with my dick in the wind and my thumb up my ass."
    Katie Fitzgerald

    dad: "I have to use the men's room."
    Ryley: "Want me to come with you?"
    dad: "Yeah, you can hold it - I can't lift anything over five pounds."

    "Getting out of Joey's car is like re-birth."
    Jake Chambers

    "You know, I just realized I never went pee with the door open until I met you."
    Brittani Poindexter

    "Like I was thinking what move can he possibly do that 'Mr. Torpedo' would get rug burn on the carpet. But now I get it."
    Lily Bogumil

    "You know what an airplane sounds like when it passes by? How about a scooter? You're the airplane."
    JC Charles

    me: "Well if you're important, I'm important. Dating the manager."
    Joey: "Yeah, you're like the first lady. Of the pool."

    "Smoothies cure everything. Got AIDS? Get a smoothie."
    Lily Bogumil

    me: "Does that really work? You just blow it and it comes out?"
    Joey: "Yeah, it's better than fingering."

    "I know, I'm conceited, but you have to be. If you're not conceited, you can become emo and kill yourself."
    Lily Bogumil

    "I think it's cute when Eminem tries to sing."
    Lily Bogumil

    Me: "I feel bad for constantly correcting him."
    Jeremy: "Well, if you're constantly wrong, then you deserve to be corrected."

    "She has the Wii 'penis' nose."
    Brittani Poindexter

    "And then I just walked away. Except not really because we were at lunch and we were all sitting down."
    Sydney Stotka

    "Everyone is so mean to me. The guys behind me on the bus compared me to a rock and Albert Einstein, and I was a piece of bread."
    Sydney Stotka

    me: "Looking at diet pills and drinking a milkshake."
    JC: "Get the ones the Jersey Shore guy endorses. Maybe you will get really tan and annoying too."
    me: "I choked on my milkshake when I read that."
    JC: "My goal was to make you choke to death. They'd never trace it back to me!"

    "Dude, trying to play this without bass is like trying to write your name in the snow with a vagina."
    JC Charles

    "I want to wrap myself inside a Chipotle tortilla, take a nap, and then eat myself out."
    JC Charles

    JC: "I wish you were taller than me."
    me: "Why? That's weird."
    JC: "Lots of reasons! I'd be eye level with the goods, you could carry me around, and I could call you Shrek."

    me: "Come take this math class for me."
    JC: "That's like me asking a serial animal rapist to dog sit for me. I'm bad at math."

    "Having half-sisters is cool because I get to say things like 'I half love you' and 'I half like your outfit'."
    JC Charles

    me: “Are you an only child?”
    JC: “Sort of.”
    me: “That makes sense…”
    JC: “My brother’s gay so we pretend he died.”

    me: "What DO you remember?"
    JC: "Everything. Helping wasted Hermoine to her parent's car, your friend being a mess, creepy blonde kid, all the important stuff!"
    me: "Hahahahaha Hermoine!!"
    JC: "I held her hair while she puked so she wouldn't Avada Kedavra me."

    me: "Yeah you were half naked."
    Taylor: "Where?!"
    me: "On the couch, on the phone with Doug."
    Taylor: "WHO?!"
    me: "... Paul."

    me: "She unblocked and added you again?"
    Tierney: "No, I added her."
    me: "Tierney!"
    Tierney: "I wanted to stalk her page and I couldn't do that without being her friend!"

    "I don't creep. I sleuth like a ninja."
    Sam Stack

    me: "I want some large animal to eat her and then spit her out because of how nasty she is."
    Jared: "I think there's an app for that."

    "I'm gonna make love tonight. Who should we call? Let's call sex."
    Brittani Poindexter

    "I can't kiss a guy with a baby!"
    Brittani Poindexter

    "So apparently my ears are gonna look like cat buttholes."
    Taylor Schleith

    me: "She wrote a letter to Santa one year asking to be a boy."
    Taylor: "That's like asking God to give you another foot."

    "Post it on Facebook and I'll talk about your poop again!"
    Tierney Stotka

    "At first I read 'backache' as 'backstache' and I was so confused. Mainly confused as to how you grew a backstache."
    Alison Shelesky

    "You have complete authorization to call my kid gay-yay."
    Ashley Dotson

    "My roommate sexiles me all the time."
    Jared Cunningham

    "But dream Jared was bummed that he sucked and then I woke up and remembered that I'm the boss and went back to sleep."
    Jared Cunningham

    "From now on, when someone bugs me about my word choice, I'm going to call them a gangster."
    Jackson Cunningham

    "If someone shaved my eyebrows off, I'd clearly have to become an evil genius, and plot to take over the world."
    Jared Cunningham

    "Did you happen to see a thought float by? I lost mine."
    Alec Parker

    "You know how those Trojan Fire and Ice commercials say it blows your hair back? What happens if the guy is bald? He has no hair to blow back... he must be sad..."
    Alec Parker

    me: "I really wanna get that pierced."
    Brittani: "It doesn't hurt. Just don't fart."

    "Just hold my pinky and believe!"
    Taylor Schleith

    me: "How's it feel knowing you make girls forget to pee?"
    Jared: "Makes me feel like pure sex."

    me: "I'm going to tie you down in your sleep and pluck your eyebrows."
    Tierney: "You won't be able too, I'm like a Pumba."
    me: "... Puma."

    "I should start worshipping Satan so I can get what I want."
    Taylor Schleith

    "I've never heard of a G6 but I've heard of V8."
    Ryley Stotka

    "Guys I'm gonna have pointy nipples..."
    Sydney Stotka

    me: "Squirrel!"
    Ryley: "He's coming for my nuts!"

    Jared: "I can be your new favorite flower. :) Gayest thing I've ever said."
    me: "I highly doubt that's the gayest thing you've ever said, Mr. 'I took showers with Struan.'"
    Jared: "Yeah, but we talked about football."

    "Oh man. Taco Bell is following me on Twitter."
    Jared Cunningham

    "So here I am with 6 tacos and I don't know what to do with myself."
    Jared Cunningham

    "What if they scare you so bad you poop your tampon out?"
    Brittani Poindexter

    Tierney: "Bay, where did we park?"
    Brittani and Liza: "Rape zone."

    me: "Why are you spraying perfume?"
    Brittani: "Because I like to smell good at all times. Like, people have orgasms when I walk by."

    "I just woke up from a nap and I had a dream where I threw this crazy party where everyone was squirting themselves in the eyes with jalapeños."
    Kiki Thom

    "I may not move a lot, but you can still use me."
    Taylor Schleith

    "We are in a pubic harea!"
    Taylor Schleith

    me: "I pee too much."
    Nick: "There's an app for that."

    "Lesson learned, don't let dumb people answer questions no matter how bad you feel about their stupidity."
    Nick Gallivan

    "You sound like an Asian hooker. No offense."
    Nick Gallivan

    "Wait, so you can stalk me at work but I can't stare at your through your bedroom window? That's an unfair double standard."
    Nick Gallivan

    me: "I don't wanna go to work..."
    Brittani: "I don't want to poop ever again but we don't always get what we want, do we?"

    "I'm listening to Lilo & Stitch and I didn't realize it but my butt cheek muscles were moving to the beat of the song."
    Brittani Poindexter

    "You don't feel weird that you just pooped in a plant?"

    (March Hare)
    me: "Ew."
    Taylor: "I know, he looks like a weird horse."
    me: "A hrabbit."

    me: "Why are your boobs so big?"
    Taylor: "I don't know, but if I was a man do you think I'd have a big wiener?"

    Professor Torres: "From conception, everyone is a female."
    me: "Haha, you guys were all girls."
    Matt: "Haha, you're still a girl."

    "One day I'm gonna let you smell my belly button."
    Brittani Poindexter

    me: "It looks like a penis."
    Brittani: "Oh, I thought you said you 'blew' a penis."
    me: "Nooooaaa... I've never blown a penis."
    Brittani: "If p → q, then that is a lie."

    me: "Your curls are falling out."
    Brittani : (Pulls up shirt)
    me: "... I said 'curls' not 'girls'."

    "I have like, four followers. I'm kind of a big deal."
    Nick Gallivan

    "I hate to break it to you, but I think you were Tom's beard."
    Nick Gallivan

    "We won't bowl. We just wanna touch some balls."
    Lily Bogumil

    "Well you know what? Go get drunk and then see how you feel about it."
    Lily Bogumil

    "Alright, hold onto your cooter - we're about to enter the Twilight Zone."
    Thomas Philbrick

    "Walk like you have a secret."
    Milena Glumsic

    "You smell like cheese, Taylor. Like... the bad kind of cheese."
    Milena Glumsic

    "You're so annoying now that you're blind!"
    Brittani Poindexter

    "We snuck up on him in the bathroom."
    Lauren Askew

    me: "I'm putting my leg here."
    Sydney: "You're feeling my leg hair?"

    "People don't understand me like you do, Bailey. I'm going to end up in the ward if you publicly announce that I grow dinosaurs."
    Leigh Philbrick

    me: "What if I was pregnant?"
    Taylor: "I would push you down the stairs. Because that's what a good friend would do."

    "You broke her nose? That doesn't make your booze come back..."
    Pat Butler

    me: "It looks like a vagina."
    Taylor: "Don't make fun of my loose knuckle skin!"

    "Bruise! Random bruise! Means I had a good night."
    Taylor Schleith

    "That was so unpleasant. It's like sticking a torpedo up your butt."
    Thomas Philbrick

    "If we didn't know you, we'd think you were on drugs."
    Lisa Musinski

    "HYPERSPEED pth."
    Taylor Schleith

    "You caught me in a vulnerable moment. I'm not usually that foxy..."
    Thomas Philbrick

    "When I see you it's gonna be like, more magical than unicorns and leprechauns put together. Except I'll be passed out in the hospital with a tube up my pee pee and I'll be wearing a gown."
    Thomas Philbrick

    "It's crusty like ancient breast milk."
    Thomas Philbrick

    me: "I'm fun-sized!"
    Ryley: "Bailey... you're palm-sized."

    "You just attributed to the death of a turtle!"
    Taylor Schleith

    "I want the Avatar symbol on my butt."
    Taylor Schleith

    "I tooted in your boyfriend's car."
    Taylor Schleith

    "How would you like to be known as the guy that gets chewed on by Satan forever?"
    Justin Ulrich

    me: "Ew, this lemonade is gross..."
    Ryley: "Well you know what? It isn't very fond of you either."

    "I've decided to live vicariously through you with all your boys since I'm keeping Dan."
    Stephanie Stotka

    "If she's repenting we're gonna be here a while..."
    Brittani Poindexter

    "You will get raped and have Mike twins with 'broken' noses."
    Taylor Schleith

    "I don't judge guys by their eyebrows."
    Ryley Stotka

    "Next they're gonna have iTampon."
    Brittani Poindexter

    "You're gonna poop yourself and then I'm gonna tell the whole school that Bailey Stotka poops herself."
    Brittani Poindexter

    "Oh shit. I think I just tinkled a little."
    Brittani Poindexter

    "You just like my tits."
    Brittani Poindexter

    "I have short legs and a long torsal."
    Tierney Stotka

    "It tastes like weird water."
    Taylor Schleith

    me: "Why do you let her in your room?"
    Taylor: "Because she's fat and I feel bad for her."

    Linnea: "Is he black?"
    me: "His name is Shawonn..."

    "You can't say nipple at the dinner table!"
    Tahlia Knisely

    "Who would want black meat in their taco?"

    "Wow. She's unreliable. Never call her if you're dying."
    Brittani Poindexter

    "We're all laughing back here at how funny that was. Seems like SOMEBODY doesn't appreciate Lord of the Rings like the rest of us."
    Ryley Stotka

    "God pooped me black."
    Ciara Laws

    "That's what you get for not locking your door. Someone came in, farted, and left."
    Lily Bogumil

    "My mom just asked why anyone would want me."
    Taylor Schleith

    me: "I texted you."
    Brittani: "You kissed a Jew?"

    "Nagy says that people who don't sleep... wait, never mind. That has nothing to do with breakfast."
    Lily Bogumil

    "I didn't smack you, I tagged you roughly."
    Hayley Caroline

    Ryley: (Walks in on crutches) "I hurt my wrist."

    "I hope she gets so fat that her heart stops."
    Taylor Schleith

    "Bailey, your boyfriend looked at me while I was changing."
    Ryley Stotka