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  • Amber, I miss you, I looked for you, but I can't bear the idea of being recognized but not remembered. I told you I know few people think about me but I had always just hoped you would because everything always seemed so casual and peaceful when we were together and the times I've seen you now it seems you want to say something to me, but I know that's just an assumption on my part.

    When I think about you, and I do, I miss you. I enjoyed our moments because I knew you were an exceptional person because you told me who you were when we met and said what you thought when we were together and I respected you for that. And since I lost you, as no more or less than what we had in each moment we were together, no matter how it sounds, something seems skewed in my universe that I can't straigthen out.

    I know we were buddies and teammates and I'm sort of old, but it was all good for me because I just liked you, but what I wanted was for you to always feel at ease with me because our moments together no matter how fleeting meant everything to me and they always have, they always will, and with our first few conversations I knew they would.

    In coming to know you to the point I had my quest from the days we first sat and spoke were for you to always feel safe and comfortable with me. And the times you came to sit with me or welcomed me to bask in your serenity I knew you believed in me and that meant everything in the world to me and with heart felt devotion it always will.

    There really probably isn't anything I wouldn't of done for or with you, if your feet were tired I would try to carry you if your hands were cold I would have warmed them on my chest to the beat of my heart throbbing from being with you. All of it or any part was good for me, I just wanted us to be cool, I wanted you to feel good about me, and every time I told you I adored you I said I really didn't know why because there were no words to describe what always seemed right even when we didn't see each other for awhile. I miss you, I truly do.

    Amber, I know you don't know what happened and maybe you never will, but I wish someone would see this and know you and tell you I'm here, but in part this is to tell the powers who blessed and cursed me I kept my word. Blessed by the Graces in our meeting, each a lesson in awareness, control, and humility and cursed by the Fates to keep the promises I made to stand in solidarity with a person I so very much adored never realizing my steps on that last day led me to eternally missing you.

    Amber, if I were a writer I would pen a tale of the invincible armor your trust bestowed on me allowing me to feel youthfully ready to defend your honor and how my weakness became the foreseeable but unseen. If I were a poet I would cast an epic into history with you as my muse guiding my quest to discover you only to lose the blossoming knowledge to the price of the offerings volunatarily made for the guidance. But, if I worked stone, mortar or pigments I would enlist a writer or poet knowing no sculpture, fresco, mural, or rendering could capture the beauty and freedom I felt in your nature or the glory I saw in your eyes.
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