Posts

Never before have I thought more about that phrase, “peace be with you.” I’m not sure if God has a plan or if there’s even a way that God can intervene here on earth. Still, the rituals of each church service make it so that these people – the ones who aren’t my best friends, but who are part of my community – can come up to me, hold my hands and say the words, “peace be with you.”

Peace Be With You Posted on May 20, 2018May 20, 2018by Marjorie Getting to church on time has proven to be very difficult in the past few months. Hell, getting anywhere on time in the past few months has been tough. So it was no surprise when I arrived to services halfway through the first reading w...
dcwidow.com

I didn’t text him. But I did start to cry. Actually, I started to openly weep in our high school library and I had to put my head down on the desk to compose myself. These moments – the ones where grief overwhelm me – still come at times like these, and I’m never ready for them.

Pooping on the Potty Posted on May 18, 2018May 18, 2018by Marjorie Yesterday afternoon I heard the ding of a new text message as I was sitting in our school library, attempting to grade an essay. “Good news,” my dad wrote, “Tommy pooped on the potty at preschool today. He is very proud of hims...
dcwidow.com
Posts

Grief, if it shows up at all in children’s movies and shows, is brief and contained. My own children's grief is not.

Why Do All the Damn Parents Die in Disney movies? Posted on May 15, 2018May 15, 2018by Marjorie A few weeks ago, Claire was invited to a birthday party at the movies to see “A Wrinkle in Time.” It’s a movie about a girl who has to find her lost father. Thoughtfully, the mother of the birthday ...
dcwidow.com

When Mamamia wanted to run two of my blog posts, I wasn't surprised that they liked my writing, "You Look Hot, By the Way." But they also really liked this one. When I asked why, they said it was something that many people could connect to. I think I get it - you don't need the death of a spouse to still need some space in your life.

To all the moms out there: Happy Mother's Day. Here are my reflections.

Mother’s Day Posted on May 13, 2018May 13, 2018by Marjorie On Friday, Austin came home from first grade and announced he had made a card for me. He handed it over and I told him I’d put it away to open on Sunday. But the front of it was hilariously cute. On it, he’d written, “Happy!!! Mother...
dcwidow.com

This week has been rough. I'm still so sad, and I've started to really question who I am.

Before Shawn’s death, I was a teacher and a mother. I am still those things. But I was also Shawn’s wife, and I am not that anymore. Or not quite.

Who Am I? Posted on May 11, 2018May 9, 2018by Marjorie Last night, a friend of mine flew in from out of town and we had dinner. We met up on 14th street and both marveled about how much it had changed from when we were in our 20s and roaming around on a Saturday night. We had a great meal and got ca...
dcwidow.com

I am questioning my ideas about everything I’ve ever thought my kids should do. I’m starting to re-imagine what I really want for them.

I Turned Out Okay Posted on May 8, 2018May 4, 2018by Marjorie People post comments on my blog fairly regularly, though most of them come from family and friends I’ve known for quite some time. Sometimes, however, I get comments from strangers. They might be other widows who’ve found me through s...
dcwidow.com

If I’ve learned anything these last few months it’s that grief doesn’t have boundaries. It affects men and women, adults and children, and is most certainly global. I’m honored to have my first international piece published today - one you may remember from my blog.

(via Mamamia)

I am living in hell, but it’s a hell where all my friends and neighbors keep throwing me ice buckets of water to cool off.

Our Forever House Posted on May 6, 2018May 4, 2018by Marjorie Three weeks after my husband died, I received a hand-written letter in the mail that read, in part, “Hello…I send my condolences to your family in your time of grievance. My wife and I are real estate investors and…we want to buy yo...
dcwidow.com

If you have a mother-in-law, or even if you don’t, please read this. Share this. Tag a friend. This is one of my favorite pieces that I’ve written to date.

(via Scary Mommy)

Ever since we watched my husband – your son – suffer and die in the hospital on that cold January day, things have not been easy for either of us.
scarymommy.com

A few weeks ago, I went to a political fundraiser where I knew very few people. This is what people discussed around me when they thought my life was perfect.

I’m Not Sure How You Survive That Posted on May 4, 2018May 2, 2018by Marjorie It’s been a long time since I wore 3-inch heels. They sit in my closet, beautifully shiny and begging me to go out. The thing is, I’m perpetually sad, and going out won’t change that. But I’m tired of being at ho...
dcwidow.com

The “what if?” fear was always there. It is for every parent. It’s just so much stronger now.

Riding Bikes Posted on May 1, 2018April 23, 2018by Marjorie It’s been a long winter. I mean, we had a damn snow day just a few days before spring break this year. My kids have been trapped inside, driving each other crazy and having way too much screen time. My usual get-up-and-go persona has not ...
dcwidow.com

My article in Scary Mommy on what it's like to suddenly become a single parent.

Single parenting is much, much harder than I imagined it was before I had to actually do it myself.
scarymommy.com

Shawn and I both didn’t believe in the idea of soul mates. His parents thought we were totally unromantic to say such a thing. I remember one time when we were talking to them about it, early in our marriage. They were telling us how, surely, we must think of each other as soul mates because we were so happy together, and Shawn said something like, “but isn’t it more romantic to think that we weren’t destined for each other but instead choose to be with each other every single day?”

My Flawed Husband Posted on April 29, 2018April 18, 2018by Marjorie I love reading things written by other widows. Even short Facebook posts are helpful for me because they remind me that I’m not the only one experiencing loss and that my feelings are not actually that bizarre (thank you, Hot Youn...
dcwidow.com

Want to know the most important part of that paperwork for me that day? Next to the photocopy of an advance directive so old that it appeared to have been typewritten, Shawn had written in one request: that I play music as he died.

To Update the Account Posted on April 27, 2018April 27, 2018by Marjorie At 5 am the day Shawn died, I called and woke up my friend Becky. I needed her to get my will and bring the advance medical directive to the hospital so I could take over the medical decision-making for Shawn. She woke up our fr...
dcwidow.com

I write almost every evening about my day and my reflections on life. When I wake up in the morning, I read it over, and about half the time I decide that what I've written is too raw to share.

This is one of the posts I would usually not share. But I woke up today and decided that it was time to let you in to the darker parts of my life.

Please don't worry - I'm okay. This is all just part of my process. Sometimes, it's really not pretty.

I’m Not Grateful Posted on April 24, 2018April 24, 2018by Marjorie I really should just stop looking at Facebook, at least at the end of the day. I actually like hearing the updates from friends and family and I don’t even mind the cute (and curated) photos of everyone’s kids and vacations. Bu...
dcwidow.com

Most everyone moves throughout their day without having to process horrible information, so when it comes, I know it’s shocking. Even if it comes in the form of my face appearing unexpectedly.

Frozen Posted on April 22, 2018April 22, 2018by Marjorie I was dropping off Tommy at a play date the other day with a friend. The mother, my friend, had invited a few kids over, and as I turned around, I saw one of Tommy’s classmates with her dad. He looked at me, trying to place me. Our mutual fr...
dcwidow.com

My gut seems to have re-set to a new normal where only a few things – and their names are Claire, Austin and Tommy – can really make me panic.

It Doesn’t Matter Posted on April 20, 2018April 15, 2018by Marjorie When I turned 39, I decided that since no one was around to buy me a really nice birthday present, I would buy myself one. Shawn and I both believed that it was important to do nice things for yourself, so I knew he would have app...
dcwidow.com