- Media/News Company
- Public Figure
BREAKING: Cpl. Jenny Waller was arraigned yesterday in a Manila courtroom for murdering the female prostitute, who Waller allegedly assumed was male based on her female appearance and proximity to a Manila nightclub.
BREAKING: “Ships are measured in tonnage, and now, shipmates will be, too,” said Rear Adm. Joseph Simms, commander of Navy Personnel Command.
BREAKING: The move came just days after the president taunted North Korean leader Kim Jong-un on Tuesday, mentioning that he had a "nuclear button on his desk at all times" but his was much bigger and more powerful.
White House staffers placed masking tape over the Doritos logo of the button, and wrote 'Boom Button' on it with permanent marker, sources said.
BREAKING: "Fall back! The green bastards are everywhere! I can't decide! I can't act!" shouted a delirious Byers as he fumbled over his map. "We're all gonna die!"
BREAKING: "The clamp, invented in Denver, which is close to our precious Buckley Air Force Base, promotes retention by ensuring our best flyers stay close by. And by close, I mean like nuts to butts.”
BREAKING: “Bitcoin is a smart, solid, investment,” said barracks broker Spc. Terry Copswell. “I recommend an investment portfolio heavy in rims, Ford Mustangs, Bitcoin, and starting your own multi-level marketing franchise."
The daily admission fee is $10 for junior enlisted, $15 for NCOs, $20 for junior officers and Senior NCOs, and $25 for senior officers.
—via the Duffel Blog archives
BREAKING: All hope isn't lost for Maj. Adams. He has one more year to try and get promoted above the zone, but to do so will require him and Regina to file for divorce.
NEW TODAY: The following is a Point/Counterpoint debate about the circumstances surrounding the various acts of malfeasance in your unit over the weekend. The Point will be presented by everyone on the blotter report and the Counterpoint by your 1st Sgt who is contemplating ending his career in an epic multi-state killing spree.
BREAKING: "Fuck! Yup, it’s him," you reportedly said, before noticing that he just winked at you.
6. "It would behoove of you..."
Translation: "I'm so stupid I don't even know how to use this word correctly."
BREAKING: Standing six-feet-tall with a 45-inch waist, 39-year-old Sgt. Maj. Starky is considered abdominally obese by medical standards. But thanks to a bulging 22-inch neck circumference and tape test favoring larger necks, he's considered in compliance for his age category.
Michael Flynn opens Center for Spies who Can’t Tradecraft Good
BREAKING: “This whiteboard update is more symbolic than anything,” Spencer told reporters, wiping some of the dry-erase residue from his sleeve. “But I want our sailors and Marines to know that the leader of their underfunded, over-extended, and poorly understood organization is taking some initiative to right the ship, hooyah?”
