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Friend: How's that girl? Me: good, we've been texting a bit. Friend: oh yea? Me: well, I send her texts and then she doesn't respond.

once someone told me I looked like a buddah with my shirt off, another time someone told me I looked like gollum. can’t win. 🖕🏼

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I’M A GOD DAMNED FUCKING CATCH. WTFFFFFFFFFFFFFF

I guess there's a slim shady in all of us

Oh to be young again. DTLA is now a hipster shitfest , we were so early ! https://t.co/OpVz7DtY1W

Avril Lavigne on Twitter
“Continuing the celebration of the 15 year anniversary of Let Go - here’s Sk8er Boi! Can’t wait to start sharing new music with you guys! https://t.co/83i0tGErJN”
twitter.com/avrillavigne/s…

this is absolutely fucking genius https://t.co/AD93ZWPnt7

Where's Wallace?
Help D’Angelo Barksdale by finding him and 46 other characters from 'The Wire' in The Ringer’s interactive game.
whereswallace.theringer.com

Why didnt god make it so that eating donuts had the same effect on your body as going to the gym ? 🍩🏋🏼‍♀️

I'm pretty good at a handful of things, asking a girl out at the airport is not one of them. 🚻😮

I almost told her I'd fly her to la but it seemed to American douche. Also the language barrier could be an issue when she landed.

That was the best €49 continental breakfast I've ever had (srs)

We've hit peak poke

way out on Grapples. don’t fuck with what is already perfect

Evan311 (seriously @NickHexum ) https://t.co/kMhZVipqRB

HOMAGE on Twitter
“This month marks the 20th anniversary of the launch of AOL Instant Messenger, so we gotta ask: what was your 1st screen name?”
twitter.com/homage/status/…

Anyone know when Cinco de Mayo is this year?

anyone in Napa wanna be my dinner date [I’m buying]

I'm giving fire financial advice right now on my ig: bigevil

When the manager of the restaurant brings you two free desserts and you're like (ughhhh I don't want this) 🙈