Sexual HARASSMENT:
Raise your hand if you're a female and you've never heard of a man harassing, or objectifying a woman for his own sexual gratification. I'm guessing there aren't many hands raised. We hear that term almost every day, maybe it's a co-worker, boss, CEO of a large corporation, or even the President. It seems so much more common today than the past. I don't believe that's the case at all, in fact I think it occurs less often, we just hear about everything immed...
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Licensed family therapist with over 20 years experience answers all of your questions on Parenting, Children, and relationship issues.
التطبيقات
- This election has further exposed the tremendous divide in our count...ry. This didn't just occur when Trump won, it has been growing for years.Now we are lashing out at each other trying to explain why the other persons point of view is wrong, and doesn't understand what's really going on. The fact is, you have little chance of changing their mind, because they are probably trying to do the same thing to you. Remember, many of these people are your friends or family, they're really not any different today than they were last week. You had things in common, and cared about each other, do you really want to throw throw all of that away. I think healing will come about by expressing our thoughts, feelings, and fears, not by telling someone that they are ignorant, or lack insight. Try to demonstrate empathy, that is, putting yourself in the other persons shoes. Try to imagine how you would fell if you were in there situation. Be willing to listen and try to understand This doesn't mean we have to agree, just an acknowledgement that each person has a right to there opinion. Demonstrate the respect you would like others to show you, not the condemnation and name calling that is so prevalent and counterproductive these days. عرض المزيد
- Married an addict. Every separation I stop doing something that enab...les him. Its been 16 years and I'm sure we've been apart more than together. When I stopped paying for his habits he went to work to pay for them and lived comfortably paying only for his habits. So when I no longer could work my mom paid the bills. So I asked her to stop and he left me in the July heat of south Alabama. Came back as the season cooled. Almost a year and the removing his comfort continued. I've left my home because I knew as long as I was there it would never end. A neighbor once said he must be back in jail because I know he Will never leave you alone. I've been traveling staying with my children and mother. I'm relocating to California. He calls now to reunite. BUT it's the same story. My final step is to stop all possible contact. Removing friends of so many years. I may know what I have to do and every step leads me to the next. Every step is devastating. I seem to have the answers but I just want to understand how I can long for this man to step up. Its not physical because from the start his use prevents physical intamencey.How come it's so hard to stop my cumpultion to even answer the phone? I know people can change but I know he doesn't want to. عرض المزيد
الصور
المنشورات
Funny thing about money, I've seen the lack of it as being the justification for many marriages ending. Interestingly, I've never heard anyone say that having plenty of it saved their relationship.
المنشورات
I'm taking a week off from my practice March 24 through the 31st. I will be available respond respond To several questions during that week. Thanks for your patience, and look forward to hearing from many of you.
How many of you have children who receive presents for Christmas and then complained because they didn't get exactly what they wanted? Was your first inclination to tell them how ungrateful they are and that they should appreciate the gifts that they did receive? This can be very challenging for parents. You feel like you're trying to do the best for your children and yet it never seems to be enough. I have worked with wealthy parents who bought their children everything they... asked for and still there was a sense of entitlement, and lack of appreciation.
As much as marketing agencies would like us to believe to the contrary, money is not the answer. I know this idea is like swimming upstream against the tide, but if you really think about it, did an expensive gift ever really improve the relationship between you and your child? For a short time they may be happy and more pleasant to be around, but it doesn't take long before thing settle back in to the way they were before.
If a gift were an expression of love, instead of the current status of your financial portfolio, then it really would be the thought, not the price tag that created its value.
Spending time with our children and talking about why we give gifts is a good way to start. Explaining the concept of "it's better to give than to receive" is another opportunity to breakaway from companies whose only purpose around the holidays is to make the biggest profit and inflate their bottom line. Maybe these kinds of sitdown discussions with our kids can actually bring about the change and appreciation that will last, like no gift ever can.
I see so many people who are discouraged during this time of year. It's as if they think they're supposed to be happy like everybody else, and it makes them more aware of how they're really feeling inside. The reality is, that a lot of people are struggling during the holiday season.
Remember, we all go through good times and difficult times in life. Often those events take place simultaneously. The problem is that it seems to be so much easier to be aware of difficult situations, and take the positive events for granted.
The challenge is to stop and consider the many blessings we do have in our life right now. Take time to appreciate, and focus on them. This doesn't mean the difficult events will mysteriously disappear, maybe they will just be tempered by the recognition of what is "right" in our life today.
This election has further exposed the tremendous divide in our country. This didn't just occur when Trump won, it has been growing for years.Now we are lashing out at each other trying to explain why the other persons point of view is wrong, and doesn't understand what's really going on. The fact is, you have little chance of changing their mind, because they are probably trying to do the same thing to you.
Remember, many of these people are your friends or family, they're r...eally not any different today than they were last week. You had things in common, and cared about each other, do you really want to throw throw all of that away.
I think healing will come about by expressing our thoughts, feelings, and fears, not by telling someone that they are ignorant, or lack insight. Try to demonstrate empathy, that is, putting yourself in the other persons shoes. Try to imagine how you would fell if you were in there situation. Be willing to listen and try to understand This doesn't mean we have to agree, just an acknowledgement that each person has a right to there opinion. Demonstrate the respect you would like others to show you, not the condemnation and name calling that is so prevalent and counterproductive these days.
Q. By now.. I'm at a loss at what to do? Maybe you can shed some well needed light on my situation. I'm going to try and make this as short as possible. Where do I begin... I have 2 kids ages 3(boy) and 6(girl) and my fiancé has a son that is 7. My fiancé and I have been together for over a year and a half and have lived together for just over a year. My fiancé was never married to his sons mother and go only by the book and nothing more when it comes to custody. There is zer...
متابعة القراءةQ. Hoping you can help. This past week I learned that my boyfriend has been cheating on me throughout our relationship with another woman. We have been together for about a year and a half and are expecting a child together in a few short weeks. Prior to us dating, he had lived with this woman. She has been fully aware that him and I were in a relationship the entire time they have been sneaking around. He claims to feel nothing for her and wants to keep our family intact but... I question his sincerity. Is our relationship salvageable? I would hate to bring our son into this world with a broken family but to stay in a toxic, broken relationship seems horrible as well. Hoping to hear from you soon. I desperately need guidance.
A. Thank you for your question. I wouldn't say that your relationship isn't salvageable, but it seems very clear that it hasn't meant the same to your boyfriend as it does to you. Talk can be cheap, but actions are a more accurate description of a persons heart. It can be very difficult to ever trust someone, when you realize your entire relationship was built on a lie.
If you choose to give him another chance, the two of you definitely need to participate in relationship counseling. In addition, he needs to be willing to do whatever you need from him, including all pass codes, and his whereabouts at any time of the day or night.
Remember, you will be the most important role model in your child's life. The choices you make should be consistent with the advice you would give your child if they ever faced a similar situation in their life.
If you know someone that may benefit from the information on this page, please feel free to forward the post to them. If you want to receive all of the questions and answers from this site, just "like" Family Answer Man Facebook page. I will attempt to answer your questions on Parenting, Relationships, and Children submitted in a timely manner. Send a private message if you don't want your name to be seen. Face to face sessions, and telephone coaching is also available.
I Can't Live Without Him:
Q. Hi I need advice. I have been with my husband for 6 years but married for 5 in a few months. In the last 6 years he has turned hateful and completely mean. We experienced a loss of a child a year before we married and since then he says hurtful things and yells at me in front of company. That has only started here recently. He goes out all the time and doesn't come home until 3 or 4 in the morning sometimes. I believe he may be cheating on me as w...ell. I have 2 children and one is mentally and physically handicapped. He doesnt help me around the house and yells when I don't have his clothes clean for him. Especially if I am behind on laundry. What should I do? I love him and I am at a loss as to what to do.
A. I want you to ask yourself this question: Do I love him, or am I afraid to be without him?
Everything you have described it Is consistent with someone who is being emotionally and verbally abused, to the point where they question their own self-worth. A successful relationship must work both ways, each party needs to support and encourage the other in a loving way. This doesn't seem to be happening in your relationship. He tells you you're worthless, and because you've heard it enough times, you have come to believe that it's true.
Things are not just going to magically get better. I think it would be helpful for you to reach out to a women's support group, or shelter in your area. This may be scary, but they can help you get back on track in building your self-esteem, and demanding that you be treated with respect in any relationship.
I'm not saying that you need to be in a new relationship, just that this one is currently not helpful for you or your children. You don't want them to grow up believing that this is a normal way for a husband and wife to treat each other. If it's difficult for you to find the courage for yourself to initiate change, do it for your children.
If you know someone that may benefit from the information on this page, please feel free to forward the post to them. If you want to receive all of the questions and answers from this site, just "like" Family Answer Man Facebook page. I will attempt to answer your questions on Parenting, Relationships, and Children submitted in a timely manner. Send a private message if you don't want your name to be seen. Face to face sessions, and telephone coaching is also available.
We're Not Growing Together:
Q. I have been with the father of my child for going on 6 years now. When we started dating we obviously didn't have a child so we always did what 21 year olds did, drank and hung out with friends. From the moment I found out I was pregnant my life changed. I have an office job, go to college at night, and spend as much time with our baby as possible. No more partying or childish ways for myself. Well my boyfriend on the other hand still drinks all... the time, he is always wanting to hang out with his friends, he helps pay the bills sometimes, and I found out today that he is doing drugs. I want a better life for my son and I. I don't know what else to do to make this relationship work with my son's father but I refuse to have my son's father be on drugs and drink his life away Any longer. Any advice is greatly appreciated.
A. Unfortunately, this is a fairly common scenario. Two people who are in the same place in their lives, and have similar priorities. However, Life does not remain static, and as it changes we must both change with it, or begin moving in different directions.
Your life changed dramatically when you became pregnant with your son. That did not trigger the same response in your partner. He still wants to live the life that you had before your baby. I think you need to have a serious and honest conversation with him about what you need from him. He needs to understand that he now has a choice to make. Continue his current lifestyle, and risk losing his family, or move on from the behavior that he's known for the past several years. It's also important that you understand the risk you're taking if there are illegal drugs in your home with the baby. There is the possibility of the child being removed from the home due to"Failure to protect" on your part.
As scary as it may sound, you have to be strong and make the decision that is in the best interest for you and your child. The fact that you sent this message, tells me that you are serious, want to protect, and do what's best for your child.
If you know someone that may benefit from the information on this page, please feel free to forward the post to them. If you want to receive all of the questions and answers from this site, just "like" Family Answer Man Facebook page. I will attempt to answer your questions on Parenting, Relationships, and Children submitted in a timely manner. Send a private message if you don't want your name to be seen. Face to face sessions, and telephone coaching is also available.
I Only Know Abuse:
Q. Found a tall dark haired working strong man... I've had bad relationships... All cruel to my children or me.. But I thought this man was the one... He drinks WAY to much..!!! He just started yelling and throwing things at me.. Last night .. Told him I'm toooo old for this. To move out... We only been together less than a year... It has to be me.. I attract these kind of men.... I'm almost 60... I can't take this verbal mental or physical abuse.. I won't..... It's Too bad.. Unfortunately... We're next door neighbors....
A. I hate to say this, but to a large extent you are correct about it being you. It's like you keep running into houses that are on fire, and then wonder why you keep getting burned.
You have to begin to recognize the signs, and then avoid being involved in toxic relationships. One of the problems is that it seems like this is the only kind of relationship that you know. We tend to gravitate towards what is familiar to us, and avoid the unknown. It's time to step out of your comfort zone, and associate with men who treat you with dignity and respect.
Believe it or not, the vast majority of women in this country go there entire life without a man throwing something at them.
Think about someone you know who's in a healthy respectful relationship. How do they treat themselves? How do others treat them? What behaviors do they exhibit that may be different than yours? If you can begin to notice these things, then you can begin to implement them in your life. Of course it's not going to feel normal, but then again normal hasn't gone too well for you lately.
In time, this new behavior of self-love, and self-respect Will feel normal, and then the healthier relationships will naturally follow.
It's never too late for new beginning.
If you know someone that may benefit from the information on this page, please feel free to forward the post to them. If you want to receive all of the questions and answers from this site, just "like" Family Answer Man Facebook page. I will attempt to answer your questions on Parenting, Relationships, and Children submitted in a timely manner. Send a private message if you don't want your name to be seen. Private coaching sessions are also available.
Even though the names of everyone who has submitted questions to Family Answer Man have been deleted, I have received some requests to have their questions removed from this page.
I am honoring the requests, but please understand that this is not common practice. I answer questions that I believe will be helpful and provide insight to many of my followers, not just the person asking. My goal is to have these questions and answers available for future reference to anyone who visits the page.
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Mother In Law:
Q. I really don't know what to do anymore. My finance's mother is obsessed with his life that it is ruining our relationship. She is always coming over an just staying for days an nights an weeks at a time even knowing that we don't want her staying there all the time. She hates me because I have a great relationship with her 16 year old grand daughter an she doesn't. She has told the grand daughter that it is my fault that the two of them can't get along. But ...
متابعة القراءةSexual Assault:
There has been a lot of press lately about the recent sexual assault that took place in Northern California. There has also been a significant amount of anger from the general public about the seemingly light consequence for the perpetrator. Granted, this is a very high profile case, but this type of assault on women takes place multiple times daily in this country.The fact is, the perpetrator did not know what consequences he would face. He could've gotten aw...ay with it, or it could've resulted in 10 to 20 years in prison. My guess is that it really didn't matter in the moment. He was focused on achieving sexual gratification, and nothing else mattered.
I have seen many men who were willing to risk their careers, their family, their reputation, and even their freedom for a few minutes of sexual gratification. It's as if the concept of life altering consequences become an insignificant afterthought.
This is in no way intended to justify, or create any type of excuse for these actions, nor do I believe that most men fall into this category. Instead, I think we need to bring to light and understand that this risk is real, it happens much more often then ever reported, and it's not bound by education, Social status, ethnicity, or geographical location. The consequences should be very severe for these actions. Unfortunately, I don't believe that it will significantly change the number of assaults that take place throughout this country every year. It's naïve to think that it can't happen to you, just because you're with friends or coworkers. I've heard many stories from women whose coworkers sexually assaulted them after having known each other and work together for several years. One of the most important tools to prevent becoming a victim of sexual assault, is understanding. Understanding that there are some men in this world who will risk everything to commit an offense if given the opportunity. Then, make decisions accordingly. This may mean staying together with a group of friends at the party, or at least a girlfriend that "has your back". It's never a good idea for a girl to be by herself at a party, or social situation. As parents, we need to prepare our daughters for these types of situations. Help them develop prevention plans, and strategies to stay safe. This may take the form of self defense classes, pepper spray, or always staying in a group. Just know that having a realistic understanding of what can happen, can go a long way toward making better choices and staying safe.
If you know someone that may benefit from the information on this page, please feel free to forward the post to them. If you want to receive all of the questions and answers from this site, just "like" Family Answer Man Facebook page. I will attempt to answer your questions on Parenting, Relationships, and Children submitted in a timely manner. Send a private message if you don't want your name to be seen.
O.D.D.?
Q. Are you Familiar with O.D.D.?
My 14 year old son has been raised by his Father, who passed away 4 yrs ago from Cancer... Back then I was into Drugs and since I have been Sober I have had two more babies ages 2yrs and now 7 mos, his Aunt has had him since his fathers death, and I have been in contact prior to my move away from our home state, spring breaks summers etc. and we are in the works of him moving back home with his little brothers and myself and Fiancé....... Tried looking online but we have had our bouts and want to know the best way to correct his behavior rather than make it worse. I do know he has and can be very manipulative acting out and testing boundaries then once we butt heads and I take the reins, he gets really emotional and even threatens to harm himself...
Please head post as O.D.D. or Oppressive Defiant disorder.
A. based on your question, I'm not sure if that it accurately represents oppositional defiant disorder. There were significant issues in your sons past, including the loss of his father, and your past substance abuse. Sometimes anger and inappropriate acting out can be the result anger, and depression. It's important to always take it seriously when someone threatens to harm themselves. You can't assume that he won't act on those threats.
I believe he needs professional help, in addition to family therapy with you and your fiancé to work through the reunification process.
It seems like there are a lot of issues that you and your son have to work through together. Let him know that you want to understand what's going on in his life, and try to put yourself in his position.
Remember, this is not something that is going to resolve itself overnight. It took a lot of years to get to this point, and there is much healing that needs to take place.
If you know someone that may benefit from the information on this page, please feel free to forward the post to them. If you want to receive all of the future questions and answers from this site, just "like" Family Answer Man Facebook page. I will attempt to answer your questions on Parenting, Relationships, and Children submitted in a timely manner. Send a private message if you don't want your name to be seen.