I needed to write about the pain and the vomiting and the subhuman way I’d stare at myself in the mirror.
I needed people to understand how bad it was, how angry I was, and how I blamed my ex-wife and our culture of divorce for the state of my life.
The context matters because I also needed people, both the people suffering silently in prisons of unhealthy marriages—prisons invisible to the outside world—as well as all of the angry, suffering men who feel as I felt, and who f...eel they have good reason to blame women and/or their spouses for forcing them into a life they never wanted nor asked for, to understand as well.
Today, I’m not angry with my ex-wife. If she was someone with whom I had no emotional connection, and I knew her story, I too would have supported her decision to leave.
In the context of HER life and knowledge and experiences at the time, she did what I—today—perceive to be the best thing for her and her child.
We have all of these feelings. They’re based largely on our beliefs.
I believed a bunch of things I’d never thought to question. And then I felt a bunch of things because life didn’t align to those beliefs.
I was angry. Afraid. I felt hopeless.
But by searching for truth—inconvenient and uncomfortable truth—I was able to reshape those beliefs and lessen the burden of anger.
I was able to let go of sadness and anger because it eventually became clear I was pointing fingers in the wrong direction.
In the search for hard truths I learned how to identify hidden pains in people and situations. And I learned how to locate the beauty in the most otherwise ugly places.
Because I can see the pain, I can help now. I can avoid adding to it.
Because I can see the beauty masked by the horrors of this world, I can remain hopeful. And grateful. And confident.
That tomorrow can always be better than today. Even if today is kind of beautiful already.
You deserve the same.
https://mustbethistalltoride.com/…/the-search-for-beauty-i…/
I think we can all agree that one spouse/romantic partner SHOULD NOT have to ‘persuade’ the other to love and contribute positively (or at minimum, not detract from) their relationship.
The problem is that people don’t see, hear and feel the same things the same way.
One person’s fun is another’s boredom.
...One person’s pain is the result of something the other literally has never even thought about before.
So whether we like it or not, persuasion—effectively communicating or explaining our individual points of view in useful, connection-building ways—is kind of a critical skill to have if you don’t want to divorce/breakup/cry/feel depressed/and other crappy things.
There are six principles of persuasion I learned from reading Robert Cialdini’s famous book on the subject that I believe apply to romantic relationships.
If you’re having trouble communicating with your romantic partner (or anyone), maybe you’ll find this useful.
https://mustbethistalltoride.com/…/influence-your-relation…/
