It’s a sad story.

But I think, on a larger scale, something more insidious happens.

Everyone points at the affair and writes off the broken marriage as being the result of one person’s selfish choice to sleep with someone else.

And maybe sometimes it’s that simple.

But not most of the time. MOST of the time, the conditions leading up to the affair happened over many years. Slowly. Unnoticed. It built. And built. And built. And built.

Those collective moments. THOSE are why the couple divorced.

But because of the affair, no one learns the lesson. No one understands what actually happened, and thusly are doomed to repeat it.

When might we learn how to feel uncomfortable and outraged about what ACTUALLY breaks us?

Affairs are bad. Because affairs, by definition, are betrayals. And BETRAYAL IS BAD.

What too many people miss, is that the betrayals of trust began a long, long time ago.

So. No. The affair didn’t cause the divorce.

https://mustbethistalltoride.com/…/no-the-affair-didnt-cau…/

People would lose their minds.

"That's red."

"Um. No it's not, moron. It's yellow."

And round and round it would go until they both thought one another were delusional lunatics.

THAT IS WHAT HAPPENS IN MARRIAGE, LIKE, ALWAYS.

Two people, looking at the same thing, or recalling the same experience, describe it accurately for THEM and the other person says: "Wrong, moron. It happened this other way."

But while those two people (one color-blind, and one not) are mocking each other's ability to see color, imagine the sound of trumpets erupts, and the clouds part, and this fiesty angel version of Judge Judy shows up with two large photographs.

"Hey guys. You're both idiots. Shut up and listen. Hey you, color-correct vision person. Look at this," as she holds up a magic photograph showing Color-Correct Vision Guy what his friend was actually seeing.

"Holy shit," he thinks to himself. "If my eyes and brain saw that, I ALSO would have called the red thing yellow, because to him, it IS actually yellow! My mind is blown. I'm sorry I was such a douche. Now that I know what he was seeing, I understand, and I can be less of a prick in future conversations where we're seeing two different colors."

And of course, Color Blind Guy has the same realization in reverse.

And in the future, they can mindfully, intentionally empathize with one another because they know that they're not crazy. Because they have context and nuanced understanding for how something CAN BE red AND yellow at the same time, without anyone being wrong or an asshole about it.

THIS dynamic is the biggest threat to marriage and relationships today.

THIS is how good, well-intentioned people invalidate their partners, and brew resentment and contempt in their homes and relationships.

THIS is the problem that needs solved across humanity on a macro-level.

Getting people out of their own heads, and helping them to SEE THE WORLD through the prism of others.

There's no middle ground. We either get serious about connecting with other people and giving a shit about their experiences, WITHOUT judgment or insults.

Else the world, and our interpersonal relationships, continue down the road they're on.

I'm not sure how anyone could want that.

https://mustbethistalltoride.com/…/how-colorblindness-can-…/