Three couples went in to see the minister to see how to become members of his church. The minister said that they would have to go without sex for two weeks and then come back and tell him how it went.

The first couple was retired, the second couple was middle-aged and the final couple was newlywed.

Two weeks went by, and the couples returned to the minister. The retired couple said it was no problem at all. The middle-aged couple said it was tough for the first week, but that, it was no problem. The newlyweds said it was fine until she dropped the can of paint.

"Can of PAINT!" exclaimed the minister.

"Yeah," said the newlywed man. "She dropped the can and when she bent over to pick it up I had to have her right there and then. Lust took over."

The minister just shook his head and said that they were not welcome in the church.

"That's okay," said the man. "We're not welcome in Home Depot either."

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An elderly woman travels to Paris for the first time in her life and stays in a five-star hotel. Looking at the installations, she is very pleased and the view out the windows facing the Eiffel tower is breathtaking. Stopping at the bathroom, she is intrigued by something next to the toilet with a similar form but without a lid. Being curious by nature, she calls up room-service. When the attendant arrives, she shows him to the bathroom, pointing to that strange thing, asking: “Tell me, is that to wash babies in?”
The attendant replies dryly: “No Madame, on the contrary”.

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A young blonde, an old lady, a South African and an Australian were sharing a compartment on a train as it entered a tunnel. In the darkness during the journey through the tunnel, the sound of a loud slap rang through the compartment followed by silence. When the train exited the tunnel no one said anything but everyone noted a bright red welt across the Aussie’s face.

The Aussie, obviously shocked, thought to himself…. “I bet this bloody South African sitting next to me made... a play for the young blonde and she thought it was me and gave me a slap instead of him! Bugger – it stings like hell!”

The Old Lady thought to herself…”I bet this horny little Aussie made a play for the young blonde sitting next to me and she gave him a good slap for his troubles! Good for her!”

The Young Blonde thought to herself…. “I bet that Aussie thought he was making a play for me and jumped the old lady instead so she gave him a good slap. Dirty bastard!”

The South African thought to himself…. “Gee, I hope the train goes through another tunnel soon, so I can give that Aussie another slap!”

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