a very special day, shared with family, special friends and loved one - all three boys received their first Holy Communion, it was Giorgio's birthday and a celebration of his, and Karen's, life.
Happy 39th earth year birthday to Karen today, but forever 33 to me.
An old favourite to mark this day...
i carry your heart with me - by e.e. cummings
i carry your heart with me(i carry it in
my heart)i am never without it(anywhere
i go you go,my dear;and whatever is done
by only me is your doing,my darling)
no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want
no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)
and it’s you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you
here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart
i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)
not sure why things like this predominantly seem to be aimed at woman...much of this speaks to me... "the committee of indecision" "all the planning and calculations" #itWasNotBad #itWasNotGood #itJustWas
She let go.
Without a thought or a word,
she let go. She let go of the fear.
She let go of the judgments. She
let go of the confluence of...
opinions swarming around her
head. She let go of the committee
of indecision within her. She let
go of all the 'right' reasons.
Wholly and completely, without
hesitation or worry, she just let go.
She didn't ask anyone for advice .
She didn't read a book on how to
let go. She didn't search the
scriptures. She just let go. She let
go of all the memories that held
her back. She let go of all the
anxiety that kept her from moving
forward. She let go of the
planning and all of the
calculations about how to
do it just right.
She didn't promise to let go. She
didn't journal about it. She didn't
write the projected date in her
Day-Timer. She made no public
announcement and put no ad in
the paper. She didn't check the
weather report or read her daily
horoscope. She just let go.
She didn't analyze whether she
should let go. She didn't call her
friends to discuss the matter. She
didn't do a five-step Spiritual
Mind Treatment. She didn't call
the prayer line. She didn't utter
one word. She just let go.
No one was around when it
happened. There was no
applause or congratulations. No
one thanked her or praised her.
No one noticed a thing. Like a
leaf falling from a tree, she just
let go. There was no effort. There
was no struggle. It wasn't good
and it wasn't bad. It was what it
was, and it is just that.
In the space of letting go, she let
it all be. A small smile came over
her face. A light breeze blew
through her. And the sun and the
moon shone forevermore....
Reverend Safire Rose
Christmas time is a time for family, we make time to check in on ourselves, and remind ourselves of what is important, what matters... what is the meaning in a helpless infant, being thrust into this world. This world, now, of presents and consumerism, of inward focused attention. I found myself mumbling the words of another, almost unconsciously, and then I recalled the source, my 21st birthday gift, a book... a different kind of book yes - yet similar - in that, it too, i...s only words, but very meaningful words. We all have our stairs, and we all have our own "devil of the stairs"...
from TS Elliot, a favourite of ours...
At the first turning of the second stair
I turned and saw below
The same shape twisted on the banister
Under the vapour in the fetid air
Struggling with the devil of the stairs who wears
The deceitul face of hope and of despair.
At the second turning of the second stair
I left them twisting, turning below;
There were no more faces and the stair was dark,
Damp, jagged, like an old man's mouth drivelling, beyond repair,
Or the toothed gullet of an aged shark.
At the first turning of the third stair
Was a slotted window bellied like the figs's fruit
And beyond the hawthorn blossom and a pasture scene
The broadbacked figure drest in blue and green
Enchanted the maytime with an antique flute.
Blown hair is sweet, brown hair over the mouth blown,
Lilac and brown hair;
Distraction, music of the flute, stops and steps of the mind over the third stair,
Fading, fading; strength beyond hope and despair
Climbing the third stair.
Lord, I am not worthy
Lord, I am not worthy
but speak the word only.
Flattened by a battery...
I was actually fine today, ready to get some work done, be positive and hopefully add something of value and worth, but then I went to get some money from the safe. It wouldn’t open, the batteries were flat, so having located the backup key, I removed the cover, accessed the battery compartment, and then I saw it: a label I had stuck up when I last changed the batteries, on 22nd May 2009. Today is the 22nd September 2015, so that was 6 years and 4... months ago exactly, and that’s when I stopped being fine, and it all came crashing down again, triggered by that innocuous little orange label, the label that I last touched, saw and wrote on, when my wife was still alive and all was well with the world, and then the flight of ideas continued:
- are her fingerprints on the batteries
- I wonder if she passed them to me
- what about the inside cover, the last time that cover was exposed to light, she was here….
- oh yes, I remember now, she was laughing at how OCD I can be, labelling batteries – I told her she would see the validity of it when they next went flat and we knew how long they had lasted (why I thought that mattered I have no idea…but I notice that from force of habit I have re-labelled it again)
And then, there I am, in a daze, taken back, in some crazy way, wildly trying to build some sort of argument or case, that since these physical objects still exist, perhaps this has all been a mistake, and somehow this can’t have happened, can it, how can batteries still be here, but she is not?
But of course, this soon runs out of energy, there is nowhere for this line of thinking to go, and you slow down again; even if her finger prints are on the batteries, so what? Is that going to make a difference?
It is strange how you live with this every day, see and experience things you think would floor you, like the children growing up, birthdays, school days, sad days, happy days, holidays … or any number of meaningful events where she is not physically present, yet you have somehow become “fit” to tackle these, and they do not flatten you, yet today, I was flattened by something unexpected, and new: a flat battery.