"Where's my box of eyebrows? Where's my box of eyebrows?! I need to look surprised, and all I've got is concerned..."

About a week and a half ago, Hannah Ruth Lennard decided that 37.5 weeks was just about enough time to spend in the oven. On February 21st, after 45 hours of "early" labor and then 30 hours of actual labor, she finally made her way out into the world. She was born at a tiny 5 lbs 6 oz, with a VERY full head of hair, some scrawny little chicken legs, and frighteningly long toes. Welcome Hannah! (now I just have to get back on track with posting....)

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"Zombie rugby could be a lot better, but they keep passing their arms!"
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FYI: This is it guys, last day to enter for a chance to win a signed copy of Sleep Talkin' Man, the book! Contest on

"Next time I lend out my chest hair, it won't be to a dick-face like you. You've got it covered in lots of stuff. It'll take ages to clean up. One hair at a time."
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FYI: Only four days left to enter the contest to win a signed copy of Sleep Talkin' Man, the book! Go to and try your luck!

"Straw is for pussies, and sticks are for pricks. Bricks! It takes balls to use bricks. Big piggy balls. Respect to the third piglet."
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"I'll fucking give you stitches! Oop, nope, you win. Got me first."

[said the night after Adam's surgery]

ALSO: Shelf Awareness is running a contest in which you can win a signed copy of Sleep Talkin' Man, the book!

Adam Lennard had never been a sleep talker until, one fateful night three years ago while deep in slumber, he yelled the words, “Enough with the cheese! Enough!” From that night forward, Adam’s exclamations grew exponentially in topic, crudeness, and downright hilarity—and thankfully for the tens of...

"Good morning. I just wanted to be the first person to call you a twat. Enjoy your day."
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"The bagels have declared independence. The bakery is up in arms! There's a giant flour cloud enveloping everything. Don't trust the macaroons."
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"I'm the fucking center of the universe. Everything revolves around me. Astronomers can kiss my gorgeous ass."

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"How am I? How am I?! I'm in a fucking hospital and I don't work here! Stupid question, how am I. Scalpel monkey!"

[said the night after Adam had surgery to have a lump removed]

"Don't you go there. That journey's gonna end with my fist in your face.-- Oh! There we go, fist in face. You've arrived at your destination."
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"Of course I know where your eyes are. I just like staring at your tits. Thank you!"
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"Yeah, Lumpy, you wanna come mess with me in my house, you'd better come armed to the teeth and bring friends. I'll fuck you up, mother-fucker."

[said after Adam discovered a lump that needed to be surgically removed. more on]

"I'm like medicine. Take me twice before going to bed. Warning: I WILL cause sexiness."
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