Thanks so much for all of your kind wishes and the love as this crazy lady turned 50. Ignore the Alice Cooper eye makeup, please.
In case you were wondering what it's like to wake up next to me... This is where I talk about Target. And diva cups.
Okay, this morning I woke up at 4:30 so I could walk the dog before work. Not only did the shower not take, my face was the color purple (sorry Alice Walker). I AM THE HUMAN HEAT PUMP. Taking "dewy" to the next level 👵🏻💦 Because this is Minnesota and most of the weirdos here actually like hot weather I keep my mouth shut but I'm going to be honest with you guys: summer is not my jam. Friends in the hot-year-round parts of the world, how do you do it?? PS an hour into work now and I'm freezing.

The sun is slowly setting on the teenage years of parenting, for me. My youngest is a senior in high school and if the experience I’ve gleaned from raising his three siblings has taught me anything, it’s “don’t blink, dummy, or you’ll miss everything that’s left”.

Parenthood is a freaking trip. It feels like trudging through mud some days, right? Like one of those dreams where you can’t quite move your limbs. The nights that stretched on and on, consoling a toddler with night... terrors or cleaning up pee soaked bedding or rocking a baby with a fever so high it felt like you were holding a bundle of hot coal in your arms.

The days that dawned much too early and with more noise than Mother Nature ever intended- getting squirmy babes dressed, pouring cereal into bowls knowing full well you’d be stepping on the same oaty rings later, digging through little backpacks for permission slips and forgotten bananas and the invitation for the birthday party that might be happening in an hour.

First days of school and last days of school, play dates and conferences and bonding with Mom friends and wondering if you’ve done enough or maybe if you’ve done too much and did you read to them enough and did you model good behavior and did they get enough vegetables and and and...

And then you blinked.

You find yourself saying things like

Stop using so much data and
Are you okay and
Please make good choices and
Tell your friends no vaping in the house and
Broken hearts hurt so much, honey and
How did you do on your ACT and
Omg why are all the bowls in your room and

That’s when you stop for a second and shake your head because wasn’t it just a couple of years ago that this lanky, angsty kid held those chubby little arms up and said “hol me mama” and you bent down and wrapped your own arms around that sweet sticky loud little one and they fit just right on your hip like a puzzle piece sliding into place?

That’s when you stop for another second and look at the face of this person and despite the stubble or the perfect brows you see it:

Your baby. Your baby who once fit just right on you is now almost ready to find out where they fit in the world.

You hope
You wish
You wonder if

you’ve done the best you could.

You hope
You wish
You wonder if

they will be okay.

Relax, my friend. Breathe.

You did.
And they will.


A mom who needs to relax and breathe ❤️

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TGIF. Next week our school is on Spring Break- but I will be in the office every damn day. People are like “are you going anywhere for break?” and I laugh and laugh and say “yep.” #mamaneedsthemoney

It’ll be quiet there, though. I’ll call it my meme time 😂


Ahh you guys. I have been going through old posts on the blog. It’s made me grateful to have written all of those things back when I was in the thick of it. Time does heal a lot of wounds (not all, though, nope) but it also softens the edges of our memories.

Reading the old words from those old days reminds me of how far the kids and I have come. I’m proud of us.

Also, it makes my heart so happy when I look at the comments on some of those posts, 5-6-8 years ago, and see YOU... PEOPLE there! Thank you for being part of this long strange trip.

Here’s a post that made me grimace a little, and also laugh out loud.

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A little blog about what really happens when your husband leaves you. Divorce, adultery, single parenting, dating...the fun never ends.

Replace “are you kidding me?” with a culinary equivalent. 😂

Are you wrapping my burrito for real?
You have to be roasting my Brussels sprouts, right?

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Accurate af. Although I do love me some sweater action, this is getting old. #minnesota

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Had a sweeeet little Weight Watchers victory this morning- thanks to not doing my laundry 😂. I needed pants and so I dug through the bag of hand me down jeans from my daughter (she’s 22 years old and has lost a substantial amount of weight)(I was like “what’s your secret, girl?” she said “well for one I stopped eating Cheetos every day”).

Wheeee! I found a pair that fit. One size smaller than mine. So something is happening.

Another small victory, pictured below: I had to t...ighten the buckles on my boots.

And Ariel just because she made me guffaw out loud.

Happy Tuesday, friends!

Oh and on a side note: I’ve kept the blog up for a few extra days. Apparently quite a few people just found it and are reading as fast as they can. Plus, the Today Show video might be up very very soon and I’m thinking maybe I should keep it up for that as well. Still thinking about it.

#progress #weightwatchers #babysteps

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Since the deadlines for many camps have already come and are some fantasy alternatives 😂

An old post of mine that popped up today.

As I sit here, trying to figure out how I'm going to pay for my 15-year-old's hockey camp this summer (seriously? $500 and I still have to feed him lunch...

Spirit Week at our school. At least I *think* it’s spirit week.

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Most of my praying is done in the bathroom. #jankytoilets #pleaseohplease #whotookthegdplunger #oldhouseoldplumbing

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Posted by Memes

No greater feeling to be honest 😂💯

via (Moistbuddha)

Late with the meme roundup but here it is- Happy Friday!

Men in kilts isn’t really a meme but it’s nice to look at.


Week 2 of Weight Watchers down. It was an interesting week, filled with teenage angst and Mom guilt and a nice ragey case of PMS.

I found a box of Thin Mints on the porch and didn’t eat them. Handed them over to the college boy and felt damn good about it.

I’ve decided that a martini, which is a whopping 9 points, is sometimes worth it, sometimes not.


I made the most amazing healthy and yummy lentil soup in the Instant Pot. Twice.

I also learned about Halo Top Creamery ice cream and their Pumpkin Pie flavor tastes almost exactly like a DQ pumpkin pie blizzard. That flavor is also currently being clearanced out and I may have waddled into Target at Knollwood and placed five delectable pints in my cart and dared anyone around me to say something.

So far there’s 11.3 pounds gone. But I know how easy it is to lose momentum especially when stress and hormones come into play.

Onwards and upwards, I guess. Or rather, downwards 😂

If you’re on WW please look me up on Connect- tag is #happyhausfrauonww

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Reasons to Smile

This is actually me 😂 😂 😂

Not quite here in Minneapolis but it’s supposed to hit the 50’s soon 😂

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This weekend, I’m going to take my blog down. Not deleting it, but it won’t be visible online anymore.

The main reason: I’m finally moving my arse and getting a book written. After many starts and stops and MANY versions being mulled over, I’ve decided to go with a sort of essay collection, only instead of essays it’s going to be blog posts.

So many people have said they stumbled upon the blog, or someone recommended it, and they read the entire thing start-to-finish, to qu...ote them, “like a book”. I should have picked up on that a lot earlier but like tv shows and fashion, I’m late to the party.

Readers have also told me that they enjoy the style of the blog- more like we’re sitting on the couch together, sharing stories. Conversational vs “once upon a time”. I had toyed with the idea of making it a fictionalized (is that even a word?) novel/memoir thing but guys- that’s not how I talk. I faked things for so many more.

If I do get my story out there, it’s going to be real.

There hasn’t been much fresh material on there in a while. I miss writing, very much. The book won’t be entirely made up of previously published stuff, I plan on updating several pieces and also adding new ones, to fill in gaps and also provide more background/details.

If there are any posts that have helped you, whether they’ve made you laugh, given you hope, or helped you to decide to never look me in the eye again, please let me know.

Also, if you haven’t read anything on there, now is the time. It will go offline Friday or Saturday.

I’d suggest that you start at the beginning 😉

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A little blog about what really happens when your husband leaves you. Divorce, adultery, single parenting, dating...the fun never ends.

By Matt Haig

I don’t know that I’d cry *euphoric* tears at The Beach Boys but everything else in here hits me in the cold dark cave where my heart is hibernating.

Hang on.

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Two weeks post-plague and this was me at work today. RIP PSH ❤️

Philip Seymour Hoffman in Along Came Polly