I saw a woman with a sign asking for money today as I drove to the stadium for the game. As traffic stopped she began to walk towards me slowly passing car after car, silently acknowledging each driver. I let my window down and greeted her with an uneasy smile, placing a bill in her open hand. Looking in her face I could not ignore the swollen dark purple and blue bruises that encompassed her left eye. "Ma'am what happened to your eye?" I asked. With traffic beginning to mo...ve in front of me, she quickly yet emphatically told me how she had been struck by her husband for something insignificant. The desperation in her voice was chilling. As I slowly started pulling off I pleaded with her to get help if she hadn't already. Feeling unsettled, I made a U turn and came back to that intersection, stopping again to pass on some information for a local domestic violence support center. The light turned green. My youngest son and I were again off to the game.
I don't know if she will call the hotline number or not. I don't know how the cash I gave her will be spent. I don't know all the details, circumstances and versions of her story of abuse. And I don't know where she is right now. But what I do know is that this woman was obviously in need and in pain and most likely was the 1 in every 3 women I would see today who has experienced some form of physical violence by an intimate partner in their lifetime. I also know that while both men and women can be victims, as leaders of their households men hold the responsibility when it comes to eliminating violence in the home. I know that while I may have voiced yet another futile plea, I may have been the one encouraging word that tipped the scales and made all the difference in this woman's life.
This unacceptable abuse of power will cease when men, stand up to other men, and are willing to hold them accountable to what is right. It will cease when we intentionally demonstrate to our sons and daughters how to properly love, respect, and resolve conflict with each other so that when they enter into their future relationships they will strive for more but never settle for less. It will cease when we make sure that these survivors know that although it may seem like they are alone, there are many people who care and who are willing to stand for them when they can not stand for themselves. Finally, it will cease when we are willing to observe what is happening around us, and when we are willing to engage when the opportunity presents itself.
There may not always be a clear course of action and you may feel helpless and angry at times. Nevertheless, if we are willing to hurt with and for others, we will undoubtedly find our role in confronting this evil that continues to occur in the shadows. The question is "Are we willing?"