In wake of the #metoo movement there has been a lot of talk lately about consent.
In my day of casual sex we didn't ever use that word, there were signals to read and hints and words that gave consent without using the words "I give consent to this shag"
However, in my day of having casual sex a lot of misconduct/rape was overlooked. ...
I remember waking up to a man having sex with me, too ashamed over how much I had drank and not being able to remember how we ended up in bed, I didn't tell anyone. Gathered my things, even thanked him for a fun night and ran.
I felt that my reputation as a party girl cancelled put my ability to be a victim. How stupid is that?
So I find the spotlight on consent a much needed one.
I've read a lot lately about what we teach our kids, has it gotten down to "if she's too drunk to drive she's too drunk to consent to casual sex?" Or "you can only have intoxicated sex with a consensual partner" or an app that's requests consent?
I've read about a lot of theories, some great and some weird.
But one mans opinion stood out to me more then most. He was a doctor (I can't remember what type) but most importantly he was a father trying to steer his teenagers into the direction of safe and healthy consensual sex.
His theory. A lot of this comes down to respect.
We need to teach our children to only embark on a sexual encounter with someone they respect.
Respect their body, their wishes, respect them.
I come from an area where the "cool guys" would sleep with anyone, I remember 2 of them had a threesome with a girl they had no respect for who thought doing what they asked would give her a little bit of the "special" that these boys appeared to ooze, or put her in that circle of golden boys who seemed to be at the centre of everything. I understood that, I had fallen for it too at times.
But it didn't, they told everyone every detail and never spoke to her again.
Yes there was consent to that threesome, but there was no respect at all.
Consent is a huge topic that can't nearly be summed up in one facebook post, but I know that the first thing I'll teach my children about it when the time comes will be respect.