What was it that was scary and unsafe for you in regards to your mother's relapse, it was like the Sun went down and like like a like a monster came you know like I remember, there's just the anxiety that would come up in my body when I could sense like her eyes shedding a little bit more. The way she was speaking or she would be a lot more affectionate with me if she wasn't sober and I was just sharing. Very weird and there were moments where it would get angry and I recall being very upset and and kind of treating her like a child and speaking to her like a child. It was not the mom that we had exactly.