One of the more intimidating white people on the continent, the Montreal white person can speak perfect French and is probably in a band you haven’t heard of yet. But you will. Strengths: Can actually speak French. Weakness: Crippling addiction to maple syrup. Also cigarettes. Secret Shame: Once ate a bagel from New York and enjoyed it. Second Secret Shame: Can’t really speak French, just speaks gibberish around Americans and people from western Canada.
And now heading north of the border for a dose of whiteness. Toronto's strengths: Well traveled; can sort of speak French. Weakness: City bylaw forces all residents to like Rush. Secret pride: Saying they are Canadian in Europe. Secret shame: Saying they are Canadian in New York.
Boston's strengths: Mayflower relatives give them low-numbered license plates; can hold liquor.
Weaknesses: Baseball-induced depression; movies about Irish gangsters. Secret Shame: They don’t really like the Dropkick Murphys.
Christian Lander at the Harvard Bookstore, tomorrow (Saturday) afternoon at 4pm!
http://www.harvard.com/event/christian_lander/
United Kingdom's strength: accent will attract opposite sex outside of the U.K. Weaknesses: relationships between white British people and nonwhite people have not ended well (see Wars, Opium, and Colonialism for further details). Secret shame: once used the word 'soccer.'
Seattle's strengths: access to coffee; cardiovascular strength from outdoor activities; sweater thickness. Weaknesses: the sun; mercury poisoning. Secret shame: The Spin Doctors.
Christian Lander is at Elliott Bay tonight, 7pm!
http://www.elliottbaybook.com/node/events/dec10/lander
Portland (OR)'s strengths: Strong legs from bicycling; well read thanks to Powell’s; good taste in music. Weaknesses: polio, measles, rubella, and mumps. Secret shame: Once bought a book from a shop other than Powell’s.
WARNING: Do not tell any Portland white person that you are from California. They will hate you.
Christian Lander at Powell's in Portland, tonight, 5pm! http://www.powells.com/events/
San Francisco's strengths: wealthy; knowledgeable about art and architecture; strong legs due to hills. Weaknesses: perpetual white guilt. Secret shame: scared of Oakland.
Christian Lander at Books, Inc. in SF tonight, 7pm!
http://www.booksinc.net/event/christian-landers
What are L.A.'s whitest obsessions?
Christian Lander enlightens at Book Soup, 7pm, tonight (11/29)!
http://www.booksoup.com/author-events.asp
The sequel to Stuff White People Like is out tomorrow! How could we resist celebrating with a round of White Person Travel Bingo?
Out now! Whiter Shades of Pale: The Stuff White People Like, Coast to Coast, from Seattle's Sweaters to Maine's Microbrews
