Usievalad Scieburaka
перадвялікоднае
у беспаветранай прасторы
ясьнеюць зоры.
і наймілейшая зямля
ў далёкім моры.
і доўгай ноччу зьнічкі бляск -
амаль паходня,
і бачыць заўтра неяк трэба
ўжо сягоньня.
хоць як заўжды -
мароз люцее
напрадвесні,
ды марна нехта спадзяецца -
Ён уваскрэсьне.
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Наталля Парахневіч
Дзякуй
2
Аксана Камінская
Бачыць заўтра ўжо сягоньня - неяк асабліва цяжка з гэтым( Дзякуй, у кропку, як заўжды
Usievalad Scieburaka
Аксана Камінская дзьве тысячы год гэта праблема... А і перад тым, Бог ведае колькі.
Andrej Dynko
Чамусьці прыйшла дурная і малаважная думка, што гэтаму вершу, бездакорнаму па форме, больш пасавала б афармленне пачаткаў сказаў з вялікіх літар.
Usievalad Scieburaka
Andrej Dynko так і было...) Але прыбраў, каб застаўся Ён толькі з вялікай...
8
Мікалай Нікалаеў
Выдатна, адпавядае...! Выраз "амаль паходня" для сябе замяняю на "мая паходня", пачынаю Ваш верш словамі "У халоднай бездані прасторы"
2
Usievalad Scieburaka
Мікалай Нікалаеў )) і так можа быць. Дзякуй.